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some thoughts on drug therapy (long)

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some thoughts on drug therapy (long)

Posted by rambler on December 04, 2002 at 11:15:40:

so i'm really considering going on medication for the first time. I have been dealing with depression for about 4 1/2 years now and have been dealing with OCD, anxiety and panic attacks for the past 2 years. I have been actively exploring herbs, meditation and other forms of alternative therapies (4 months now on a whole foods sugar-free diet/eating right for my blood type/eliminating all food allergens completely and daily meditation/yoga) but........but I'm just not getting out of this place (in fact I can honestly say if I've moved anywhere in the past 4 months, it has been backwards), and every day down here is another glimpse at the terrifying possibility that i will always be stuck here (that's the scariest part of mental illness I think. It has no boundaries. No set beginning, no set ending. It effects emotions and memories and its impossible to tell where "I" stop and the "disease" begins. And there are no guarantees things will ever get better....) I am quite literally unable to remember/imagine/conceive of what it was like (I was pretty damn mentally healthy for my first 19 years) to be mentally healthy or what it would be like to be healthy again and that scares the shit out of me

but it's like somehow I think I have linked my refusal to take pills to my spirituality....it is like I am working with acupuncture, merideans, chakras etc in healing and those are all unseen, just like the Goddess, just like magick/prayer, just like energy/paranormal occurrences, etc so somehow to work with things on the nuerotransmitter/prozac side of the equation seems to be giving up on the existence of all these more subtle things, including God.

This is patently silly though and smacks of the same sort of logic that got Galileo burnt at the stake for advocating a heliocentric universe.

somehow my refusal to use drug therapy is this complex interplay between

#1) being aware of the extraordinarily corrupt and profit-minded pharmeceutical industry (something like 80% of all drug studies for mental illness over the past decade have been paid for by the people making the drugs - checkout www.prozacspotlight.org). As someone actively engaged in building an alternative lifestyle and an anticapitalist, obviously I really want move beyond the dominant paradigm of american healing as well, which I think can be incredibly destructive (and too, there is often a stigma within radical communities to taking psychotropic medication - depression is seen as caused by hyperconsumerism, the construction of unattainable desires, alienated working conditions, removal of community support structures, absence of meaning making activities, lack of physical exercise, poor diet, etc - a view I am inclined to agree with, until of course I get stuck in this place even with a good support structure, strict nutritious diet, decision-making control over life situations, etc)

#2) understanding the relatively toxic properties and high side-effect profile of most modern pharmeceuticals - as precise as we think modern psychotropics are I think we have moved from really big sledgehammers to kind-of big sledgehammers - neuroscience is still in its infancy I think (it wasn't all that long ago that we were still drilling holes in people's skulls) and its a wonderfully exciting infancy if you happen to be interested in it (which i am, immensely) but somewhat shitty if you are relying on it to restore health (as i also am)

#3) wishing desparately to believe in and understand systems of knowledge about health that move beyond western physiology - but of course doubting because western medicine and the "science is god" paradigm is the one i have been socialized in and then to be actively using these other methods for healing and not really getting anywhere....and even when staying within physiology, believing that saying there is a serotonin-dopamine imbalance in my brain does not necessarily mean the best way to correct that problem is by brute readjustment of those neurotransmitters. ie; if a lightbulb isn't working in my house, I can figure out that it is because it has no electricity. I could run a plug from my neighbors house and have light again. However, how much better to figure out why the electricity went off in my own house to begin with!!

Also, being tuned into my body and being acutely aware that there are at least 10 other fairly major symptoms of imbalance showing up in various systems (immune, digestive, cognitive, skin healing ,etc) just points me over and over again to a holistic view of what's going on with me that simply a neurotransmitter view

#4) along with that, i would really like to study naturopathy and herbalism (or energetic healing - which I think has the potential to really be the medicine of the next century) so I feel somewhat obliged to make it work with me first. Physician, heal thyself. (That being said of course I recognize that it is another fallacy to say that just because one approach may not be able to help everyone in every circumstance it is an invalid approach. othewise we would have ruled modern medicine invalid long ago!)

#5) believing that there are things to be gained from this space, a reason it occurred, (perhaps on some level thinking I deserve this, although I'd like to think i'm above such drivel). I mean I have gotten a lot from this space, so perhaps there are a few things left to learn here (or is turning disease into metaphor a creul and unusual form of punishment for those afflicted with it as susan sontag points out...)

but of course the biggest fears at the bottome of the medication barrel are - what if it doesn't work?? (it has been my last holdout, well I will just try xyz for now and I can always try medication in the future) or perhaps the most terrifying of all.....what if it does?

I know I'm preaching to the choir here when it comes to wanting to move beyond a reductionistic paradigm that focuses on isolated symptoms. And I know some of you won't be able to accept that maybe diet+exercise+SR isn't always enough. And this message was more to clarify my own thoughts about how I feel about possibly exploring SSRIs, but for now it's waking up early and crawling back to the yoga mat and hopefully an appointment with a new acupuncturist later on thsi week that comes highly recommended.




Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long)

Posted by ME on December 04, 2002 at 12:34:45:

In Reply to: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) posted by rambler on December 04, 2002 at 11:15:40:

I'm limited in time, so I'll cut to the quick.
It took me 5 years to move out of a place similar
to the one you find your self in. It was dark,
fearsome, bizarre and I thought I'd never return to
the land of the "living".

I was determinded not to use meds--had already tried
that, and they only complicated matters. BIG TIME.

I finally resorted to BSFF (look it up on the web.)
I've seen other testimonies here as well, for BSFF.
It worked. It was an immediate, almost, step up & out...
and it took another year of practice to feel "normal"
again. I'm back now and feeling grateful to be here!!!

I wish you speedy healing. Remember-- healing takes time.
Don't give up--you'll get there!
Best wishes!



Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long)

Posted by rambler on December 04, 2002 at 13:51:37:

In Reply to: Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) posted by ME on December 04, 2002 at 12:34:45:

sounds a lot like EFT.

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Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long)

Posted by Me Two on December 04, 2002 at 14:14:08:

In Reply to: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) posted by rambler on December 04, 2002 at 11:15:40:

I guess it'll be obvious who I am as soon as I post this, but I couldn't help the obvious invitation that posting
as "me" brings...

OK, these factors of yours are your issue, (or one of them) that you "came here" to solve. If you have some
familiarity with meditation, you could meditate on why you have an issue with meds as a healing solution, or more
to the point why you are not making the kind of progress you would like to make with the alternative/subtle
methods and protcols.

What immediately comes to mind is that you may need to do both. Often what gets lost in the sauce of this
board is that your bodymind is a machine as much as it is "spiritual vehicle" and all the good thoughts
in the world aren't going ti fix a "flat tire." If a drug does work, then you can find out what the drug was
derived from, and use that herb, as long as you understand what the drug was supposed to "cure." As Walt
pointed out to me recently, self-hypnosis works equally well and is definitely a skill that you should learn.
As a matter of fact, if you are contemplating meds in the first place then you have probably been ignoring
the root cause[s] for a long time. So you don't have to give up your religion or faith in alternative procedures
but you do have to address those root causes in a more forthright manner. Somewhere there is a why to
what is happening, something beyond a brain chemisty disorder if that in itself is not the answer. Have a look.



Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long)

Posted by rambler on December 04, 2002 at 15:27:07:

In Reply to: Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) posted by Me Two on December 04, 2002 at 14:14:08:

I agree that there is a "why" there, but I'll be damned if I can find it. I have meditated a lot on why I might be resistant to drug therapy and those are the reasons I came up with - all wrothwhile reasons, all capable of being used as a smokescreen if the real answer is I'm scare to get fully healthy, right?

It is interesting, with the obsessing thoughts/worries. Obviously I have specific worries all of which I find to be irrational but one thing I was discussing with a friend is: you know, is there a disorder that takes unconscious feelings of tensions and magnifies/distorts/repeats them, or was the disorder caused by the worries in the first place: typical biology vs psychology question I guess.

Certianly there are many things I can point to as possibly having a causuation factor, or a complicating factor, but really many of these symptoms appeared "out of the blue" to me and have hung around ever since.

It makes it hard too, when particular healing methodologies are so attached to people's philisophical belief systemsd (including my own) which leads towards dogmatic insistences on what methods are and are not appropriate.

sometimes, all i want to do is feel better: give me whatever you've got.

othertimes, I think that this is a grand experiment (albeit an uncomfortable one) in figuring out how different healing modalities work (nothing like a bit of motivation to liven up that dry reading!)



Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long)

Posted by Mike on December 04, 2002 at 23:35:54:

In Reply to: Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) posted by rambler on December 04, 2002 at 15:27:07:

As an OCD'er myself, if you're feeling very badly, I'd look into Zoloft or Luvox.

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Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) (Archive in brain chemistry.)

Posted by Walt Stoll on December 05, 2002 at 07:26:04:

In Reply to: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) posted by rambler on December 04, 2002 at 11:15:40:

Hi, Rambler.

Call (800) 843-9660 and ask them to send you a sample tape and references. You can specifically choose your tape if you offer them about a $30 donation (You will never be sorry!) Ask for the July 2002 tape.

Let us know what you learn and ignore the stuff that is too technical.

Walt

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Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) (Depression alternative.) Archive

Posted by Walt Stoll on December 05, 2002 at 07:40:09:

In Reply to: Re: some thoughts on drug therapy (long) posted by ME on December 04, 2002 at 12:34:45:

Thanks, ME.

Namaste`

Walt

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