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Hi, I been posting on here about my father in law with lung cancer that was caused by abspestos (not) he is a heavy heavy smoker but he is still in denial thinking smokeing didnt do this to him. The doctor still is saying its from abspetos but he has small cell lung cancer. Anyways Im on here to vent so sorry if this gets long. I went to see him the other day and of course all his kids and him are still smokeing and its so bad its like walking into a bar. Now he is doing chemo etc. Well the nurses the other day caught him smokeing and was just discusted with him . Again he cant understand why, in fact none of them do they just said the nurses were out there smokeing as well.(but I said none of them have lung cancer) But he is doing everything that they are telling him not to do. Going into public places not staying away from sick people etc. Makes me mad but I dont say no more to him because I feel his life is pretty close to the end. Especially if he keeps this up.He is at stage 4 and I feel that if he gets sick hes gone.I get mad because we are all supose to be concerned and pamper him but, he is not takeing his own life seriously so now, I will not even bother to ask. Im sorry I had to vent, I get so mad at smokers that are ignorant. My husband is one of them and he is supose to get a exray of his chest and the doctor was pretty concerned about his heart so she ordered alot of test on October 4th and since then he never went in. He was complaining about his chest the other day and I just walked away and shook my head .. he's next Im Sure.. Thanks so much for listing to me bitch.. ANN PS: I dont let my husband smoke by us in the house etc.. Stoped that a long time ago...
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
ANN, It's sad when people feel no responsibility towards the ones who love them. But if they don't seem to care about their own lives I guess they don't have the ability to care about others. If you can muster it up, show him mercy. He'll need it.
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
You can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink....
:-)
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
I feel for you. It is heartbreaking to watch a loved one destroy themselves. I've been there. Their regrets always come too late.
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
Hi ANN:
Smoking is a powerful addiction. That could be why your father-in-law is in denial. He refuses to blame the smoking so he won't have to give it up.
You can't make him stop. He has to want to stop on his own. At this point, he may not even want to bother.
As a last attempt, you could show him a picture of a healthy lung next to a picture of smoker's lung. If that doesn't motivate him to stop, then you need not try anymore. Just be kind to him, don't mention the smoking, and respect his wishes to destroy himself completely.
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
Hi Ann,
People often smoke as a stress reliever..
Right now, he has a lot of stress and fels better when he has a cigarette.
Doing everything "right" at this time will not make a bit of difference..
He might also be trying to hasten the process to reduce suffering.. especially since non-smokers are saying that is is not good for him.
Choking to death is not going to be an instant death.
If so many are saying that it is bad for him to smoke,
how do you expect him to watch a the nurses smoking and not think that the do-gooders are wrong?
(As far as I know, they are still selling the evil product in all the stores.)
Maybe he is trying to show them that they should also stop smoking? He could be the poster boy for quitting.
Now, be a good daughter and love the smoker even though you hate the smoking.
Ron
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
didn't you say he was around 76? If so, that isn't very old, but I have known many who died a lot younger, and didn't smoke. Doesn't sound like you are going to convince him of anything, as he not you. If he said, Why did I get cancer, then you could complain, but it is his life and how he lived it. I have an older friend who is depressed, and says the meds the Dr gives him only work sometimes. I have told him a few times that I had to find suppliments to try to relieve or reverse the pain and damage I have, because Dr's had NO answer and it has been a struggle, and a hunt, that has been going for 20yrs, and may be till the end. He askes me, How would he Find things, I told him to hunt and connect any dots, or try to get on different meds. He just tells me, he's depressed, so he doesn't want or know how to change things, and I can't tell him, since I have tried many times.
I smoke and have a friend who quit 18yrs ago, and I Wouldn't want to be like him, he is a nervous wreck, worried about everything, and goes to a gym every day and is like a mouse on a tread mill, constantly taking walks around a 2 mile road around the park I see him at. He will tell me he walked the road a few times and May walk it a Few more times that day. He went off red meat, and talking to him is an exercise in mania. He interupts, agreeing, then disagreeing, Then agreeing again. He tells me he doesn't want to cut me short, and has to run, Then will talk for 20mi longer, then do it again, And Again.. I finally tell him, he Better go and walk away, seeing he is wacked. First he asked me if I was Still smoking, then he asked What I was smoking, and being little cigars a brand that he had smoked slightly bigger ones after stopping cigaretts, he wanted me to pick him up some. I always carry 2 or 3, so gave him one, and told him not to blame me if he starts up again. A week later he gave it back to me if he started again..
My grandfather smoked and No One could tell him what to do. Nicest guy in the world, but would go off if hassled. Some people think that Others should do what they do, for the reasons they do it. Gramps wound up living with my parents, to keep him away from a young girl he married, to help her become a citizen. She probably was figuring he would die soon, being 87 at the time, but he wasn't going anywhere. My mom, his daughter Tried to get him to do what She wanted, and she figured she had good reason. They all went to the same seniors clubs, and mom was embarrased that gramps sometimes wasn't sparkling clean. Maybe having a coffee stain on his shirt, or ball point pen marks on the pocket, and even her white formica table which really bothered her,and she was affraid to use an abrasive on it, Though Binaca breath spray made the ink Run...
Gramps was an Avid Reader and Writer.
Mom would Try to get him to Agree to Wash something that was stained, and he would say, what's the use, I'm old, nobody will care, being in his mid 90's at the time. She would insist and insist, and he would blow up, and she Didn't tell me the names he called her, But I knew how She could be and Also Him, and She would get under My skin about things that to Me were rediculous. Always turning up a 3way light telling me I was going to Hurt my eyes, when I was comfortable on the lowest setting and the glare on the High setting that SHE needed, made my eyes hurt and Impossible to see the print. She Also thought I was going to smother with the covers pulled over my head, and would pull them Down while I was sleeping which Woke me, because I don't like my face colder than my body. She didn't get it.
Now I Knew Not to push gramps or tangle with him. First because I wanted to respect him, and we were so alike, no need to hassle each other, but sometimes he would be in a bad mood and get on my case, for no reason, and when he he would get to me, I would tell him, to back off, because I wanted to respect him, but he was treating me like a stranger, and any more, I Was going to treat him like one. He would laugh and back off.
Mom would complain to me, that He Wouldn't agree to Let her wash something that was stained. My grandfather was a Custom Tailor, and All his clothes had been Made, even his shirts, and after he closed his business he went to work for the most exclusive dept store in Philly. Anyone who Knew him and my parents would KNOW, you Didn't tell him what to do, so if his shirt was Stained, He must not care, and You Weren't going to change him.... I told mom to Take the things while he slept and Wash them, and not say anything, but She Needed him to agree, And it WASN'T going to happen....
Gramps was put in a home at 99 to Try to Slow him down, after coming back from a summer in europe, and an 8 hr surgery for an aortic anuerism, and he drove the nurses and Dr's crazy, doing what he Always did, What HE wanted to. He would get in bed to elevate his feet IF a nurse gave him a kiss he asked for, But as soon as they left, he was Out of bed, saying he feel like he is in a coffin, if in bed when not sleepy. They didn't want him walking around, and to use a wheel chair. He Did, but used his feet to move it.
He cursed and threw a pillow at a pretty, young social worker, who was Trying to get him to do something he didn't want to. When she started to tell me, I Knew what was coming, and started Explaining How to Handle him, or Leave him alone if he wasn't agreeing, Before she did. Being italian I thought he would be more comfortable with someone who spoke italian. I felt he must feel like he is in a prison, being extremely active till a hospital killed him at 104. I asked her, if there was anyone who spoke italian, to introduce them. She Said, she Wasn't going to get him a Bed Partner... I Told her, If he Wanted one, he would get one Himself. Found out he had an italian woman friend there that he chatted with.
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
Hi ANN,
My opinion is that if a person wants to smoke it isn't anybody's place to be "disgusted" with them.
Especially a nurse who is practically a stranger.
The family could be disappointed, but "disgusted" is a little harsh.
Anyway, lung cancer is pretty difficult to treat. Why shouldn't he enjoy what time he has left doing what he wants to do?
The house not being ventilated and everyone smoking in it isn't a good idea, but all you can do about that is not go over there or tolerate it because it isn't your house.
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
Hi thanks for the input, my thing is that my father in law is trying to save him life by going to chemo but he is still smokeing so the nurses get mad because, Im sure their thought is "here we are trying to help this guy live longer and here he is smokeing" and that is what put him in this situation. Now I dont care that he wants to smoke because I feel at this point its a lost cause because the damage is already done but, they did not want anyone to smoke by him or he smoke while he is doing chemo...I love my father in law he's a awesome guy but very stuborn. Now as for my husband I married him as a smoker when I was 18 I was young and dumb then, I put up with it but, not now I seen what it done to my son and I despise him for it because he still continued to smoke by him knowing that he was very allergic to smoke and it made us go to the emergancy room quite a bit. (long story). But, I am going to let my father in law die in peace if this is what is going to make him happy so be it,And I will suport what ever he wants at this point. My mother in law died from smokeing complications. All's I remember is when I got on her one time for smokeing by my son and told her she really needs to stop she made this nasty comment "at least I will die happy" well let me tell you she was not happy at all and she knew she could of prevented it . Then she stoped smokeing and everyone else had to stop by her because it could hurt her. SHe is also the one who would not stop smokeing by my son when he was haveing bad asthma attacks..she told me that I made her feel uncomfortable because I would open window etc to get the smoke out but, she had no problem makeing my son feel uncomfortable while he was haveing a asthma attack. Again I took it and I finally just stoped going to her house with the kids because no one cared for my son just their habits.. Im not knocking all smokers because I have quite a few friends who smoke and they are the ones who ask do you mind if I smoke and if I say yes they just dont do it no questions asked.. everyone could do what they want but I dont like when they smoke by people who dont like it and get sick from it..
In Reply to: EVERYONE posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 16:28:33:
Hi ANN,
Understandable. I smoke but I don't expose other people's children to it if it is objectionable to them. I think that is a little inconsiderate, the least they could do is open the doors or windows and/or run exhaust fans so it doesn't look like a barroom.
Concentrated second-hand smoke is a health hazard for sure.
In Reply to: EVERYONE posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 16:28:33:
Hi Lissa,
If concentrated smoke is a health hazard, where are all the lawsuits for lung damage from the residents of San Diego?
If the State had done what was needed, instead of listening to all the environmentalists who fought against clearing forest deadwood, the fires would have been a lot harder to start and easier to put out.
Who should be sued?... California, or the Sierra Club
organization?
In Reply to: Re: EVERYONE posted by Ron [5412.1575] on November 06, 2007 at 18:01:25:
Nobody should be sued.
People know it's a health hazard and if they expose themselves to it, that's their decision.
If people take the risk that's their own responsibility, not the State's, not the Club's just the individual going in there exposing themself to it by choice.
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
Hi Ann,
I wonder if he would listen to the CD "The Secret." I just listened to it on a trip. (There are parts on you can change your own health but I wouldn't tell him that ahead of time)....It's a thought. Something that is not "direct" but might put him on a more positive path? Do you think?
Everyone seems to be buying it - I stopped by Barnes & Noble and there was a whole table just on that CD.
My best wishes to you, anyway. Larry thinks he is going to listen to it - I mentioned things about money and weight and he seems willing to give it a try. Especially if we might be sitting around with nothing to do - Just seems like your father in law is on a negative path.
Then again, maybe it is just time to make his time that he has left enjoyable for him. When I was in a comparable situation to yours, the family couldn't make up their minds on what was best to help someone enjoy the time that is left - is it laughing and joking, seeing people you love, being quiet and peaceful,...listening to music,.....the family I was dealing with (not mine and not Larry's)...anyway, they thought everything should be serious and grim so laughter was out. But I didn't agree.
Well, best wishes to you.
Barbara, Larry, and Cats
In Reply to: Re: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by Barbara, Larry, and Cats [6.1955] on November 06, 2007 at 20:17:02:
WELL THANK YOU BARBRA LARRY AND THE CATS, I WILL LOOK THAT UP AND GO TRY TO GET THE SECRET. WE HAVE A BARNES AND NOBLE NOT TO FAR FROM HERE..
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
AAnn,
It is always painful to watch someone you love deliberately killing themselves. Your job right now is to just love him as he is till he goes.
Of course, you know that smoking greatly increases the chances of heart disease--as well as a myriad of other chronic and fatal conditions. So, you are probably going to have to go through this with your husband and smoking children as well. Perhaps you could look at your FIL as a "training exercise" for what is to come? Aren't I a cheerful harbinger of cheer today?
Walt
In Reply to: Re: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER -- Archive. posted by Walt Stoll [93.1889] on November 07, 2007 at 07:31:28:
You are right Walt, I do tell my children who are older now that this is what is going to happen to you if you smoke and I am sure that the days and weeks to come are going to be hard for every one to handle but, it could of been prevented. My daughter was a smoker for a while but, she is pregnant and due in January and she cant stand the smell of smoke or anyone by her that smokes and the smell of it on people etc..she got a blanket for her shower from my sister in law and the blanket smells so bad we had to wash it a couple of times to get it out and it still smells, when they were walking it around to people to see at the shower people were commenting on how bad it smelled (I was embaressed for her). Thanks Walt
In Reply to: Re: EVERYONE posted by lissa [708.8] on November 06, 2007 at 18:13:23:
Hi Lissa,
The Sierra Club is not a place you go into... It is an activist environmental do-gooder sort of like PETA or Greenpeace.
see link
In Reply to: Re: EVERYONE posted by Ron [5412.1575] on November 06, 2007 at 18:01:25:
is that dead wood the Healthy Forrest Initive that the old growth Trees...that weren't dead, Just happen to be in the way of clearing the Dead Wood efficently? Clear cut, and Nothing will burn....
In Reply to: Re: EVERYONE posted by Ron [5412.1575] on November 08, 2007 at 02:24:11:
give me a Do Badder Club any day.))
In Reply to: UPDATE ON FATHER IN LAW WITH LUNG CANCER posted by ANN [229.2842] on November 06, 2007 at 07:12:16:
Hi Ann:
Sorry to read of this
smoking, as we all know
not only cancer, but cause of
other disease, health issues
I was a smoker
did not quit immediately upon
DX but shortly thereafter
I know quite a few with cancer
who still continue to smoke
I can not be around it
Sending you a hug today
take care of yourself
and dont let hubby in house with
that stinky polluting stuff
Sedona
In Reply to: Re: EVERYONE posted by Vince F [4572.3780] on November 08, 2007 at 03:28:52:
Hi Vince,
I think that is what the Sierra Club was afraid would happen..
A healthy forest should help prevent mudslides, so a
bald mountainside has risks as well..
I wonder how many homes could have been saved from the fires if the roofs were made of cly tile instead of cedar shakes?
Ron
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