Depression Archives

Roller coaster

I want your opinion on what is the best way for me to feel better emotionally. I have tried it all. In June, I lost a child at 17 wks. gestation due to PROM. It was a boy and I got to hold him. Since then, I have been severely depressed and then it disappears and I am extremely ok with my mood and feel good and am hyper. Later the depression is back and worse. I hate my job. I am an engineer but I work shift work (6 ten hour days 6:30-4:30 and then get two days off to start on 6 ten hour nights 5:00pm-3:30 am) so I don't get regular sleep. I get 5 days off between the nights and days and it starts all over on the rotation. I cry at inappropriate times. (At work, especially on nights.) I would have to quit the job to get another because they will not allow me to move within the company yet (exept to another rotating position). That is one thing I hate. I am full of hostility, sadness,and hopelessness all at the same time and I can turn around and make people laugh their heads off from joking around. I have a wonderful husband but my roller coaster emotions are affecting him. I want to feel normal. I exercise, take vitamins minerals, etc. I am fit. I am going to start meditation. I remember being obsessive compulsive since childhood (to the point that it affected my life). I am not so bad on the repetive actions anymore. I have had an eating disorder (Compulsive exercise and some purging) but my weight is on the normal side (115). I am obsessed with not gaining any weight to the point that I think about it everyday. I just want to enjoy life like any normal person but I can't stop the anxiety and the obsessive worries. I see other people and they are not near as negative and worried as me. I used to be so happy and carefree. I want it again. Do I need medication? Is this hormonal from the pregnancy? I don't get pregnant now. I am not on birth control and now that panics me. I really wanted that child. I am so heartbroken I just want to leave it all and be alone. Please help me be normal again. I feel like a nut. I have never known complete normalcy.There has always been some obsessive thought. I have ordered your book.

Follow Ups:

• Re: Roller coaster (Archive under depression.) Walt Stoll 12:15:32 11/30/99 (0)

In Reply to: Roller coaster posted by Alexa on November 29, 1999 at 19:34:11:

Hi, Alexa.

First, you need to consider some temporary antidepressant medication. IF you can find a good Orthomolecular Psychiatrist in your area, that is who I, personally, would go to for that. Call (415) 922-6462 for the closest one to where you live.

There is nothing wrong with feeling better "through chemistry" so long as you start dealing with the basic metabolic causes at the same time so you don't have to do it very long.

See my note today about Genes.

All of the things you mentioned (even the miscarriage) are caused by the same basic mechanisms. Reading a copy of my book will at least give you some basic understanding, and resources for going beyond that understanding, IF you read the entire book a couple of times. THEN, if you still have questions, write again.

In the meantime, you would be wise to get started with serious SR since that will be needed to resolve this permanently.

See the glossary for any unfamiliar terms.

As you finally get well I hope you will share your experiences with others on this BB so they will not have to suffer as you have.

Walt