Dear Dr Stoll,
At my last gynecologic exam the doctor did not allow a nurse to be present in the room. He did not abuse me sexually but when I requested information on alternative treatments for "IC" he began to call me names, ie Susan, your're a horrible patient, Susan your're disruptive over and over again. He had been quite reasonable in the past. He was now towering over my body jabbing his hand within inches of my face with each syllable. I was not responding to his treatment for "IC". This was well before I found this BB and read your book. He kept on and on and on I was very quiet and started to feel very shaky, nauseated ,very sweaty and very scared. He saw I was eyeing my clothes and said "you want to leave". In a dazed state I gave an affirmative nod to which he got up positioned himself between the door and me continued the very threatening stabbing motion, I leaning back clinging to my paper gown. He said he never wanted to see me in his clinic again and to "Get the hell out!" He made sure to keep his voice low and spoke in a low hateful, hissing sounds. I could not move for a long time. I felt so weak. A nurse came in. I explained what happended. I requested that the doctor come back in and WITH A NURSE present. The doctor ignored me till I stood in the entrance to the room. He pushed me into the room. Began the verbal abuse again told me I was bad and terrible and he was going report me to the police. He said he was not kidding and marched down the hallway and actually called 911. I told him that was unnecessary, that I was leaving. I staggered out of his office, the nurses giving me very sympathetic but unhelpful looks.
I hired a lawyer and wrote to the medical broad requesting an investigation (I had the name of one nurse). I wanted an apology from the doctor. The medical board wrote back that they are silent on matters such as these. I was devastated. I thought that they would at least tell the doctor that I had a right to have a nurse present. My lawyer had no further suggestions.
I feel awful. This happened 10 months ago.
Why do I still feel the terror like it happened yesterday? Why can't I just forget about it, focus on the work I need to do to get better? Every time I do SR I start to feel this whole incident again and I feel helpless. When I get massage I begin to reexperience it again. My cells are definately stuck back in that experience. I do not like taking myself so seriously :o)! I went to a shrink but that just cost me a lot of money and didn't help.
Is there any other agency to which I could report this incident? I would hate others to suffer as I have suffered. When he overcharged me I called his office and was told "The doctor is having a hard time... He has a new doc in the office and is having a real hard time because his mother is very ill." "Things are very tense in the office."
I Know this is long so extra thanks for reading this.
Follow Ups:
Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Shannon on February 03, 1999 at 18:32:54:
In Reply to: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Sue on February 03, 1999 at 16:55:34:
Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you have no right to a chaperone (female) in the room for your exam. Did you register a complaint with the Board? Even if they cannot DO anything, you can officially register a complaint. There is also always the possibility of a civil suit for damages. What he did is out of line and you are in no way responsible for his actions.
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Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Kyra on February 03, 1999 at 22:02:46:
In Reply to: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Sue on February 03, 1999 at 16:55:34:
Sue,
I know of a similar Ob/Gyn in Santa Cruz, CA. He abused many, many women in the same way that you were violated. I was among them. He delivered my first son during an emergency delivery where he was the doc on call. He was reported to the State Medical Board by some of his victims and as far as I know by a few brave fellow physicians. He was sued on at least several occasions. All to no avail. The buddy system protected him, even though his working peers were well aware of his particular perversions. It boiled down to fear of loss of jobs. In a small community with limited work available, nurses and physicians alike were literally terrified to blow the whistle on this guy for fear of jeopardizing their own livelihoods. One woman I knew actually carried on a legal battle against him for several years. I think she had a fighting chance to win, except for some rather unfortunate luck in choice of lawyers. Personally, I reported the guy to his hospital, his clinic, and his nurses (making sure that I was heard loud and clear by all patients present when I was at his clinic.) I also spoke on the phone to his medical partner. Nothing happened, as to be expected, but at least it was cathartic for me and I don't experience overwhelming charge about my own experience anymore. I didn't sue because 1) I'm not litigious by nature and 2) I couldn't afford it and didn't want to be dragged on through a prolonged legal battle.
If you do think about suing the doc who abused you, I can offer the following suggestions based on the story of the woman I know who sued the Santa Cruz doc. Ask around at all allopathic and holistic practices that serve women and/or ar e run by women about this fellow. He is likely to have abused numerous women who have been silent about their experiences for a long time. Acupuncturists, massage therapists, Rolfers, hypnotherapists, psychotherapists, psychics, and the like in your community, as well as allopaths and naturopaths are sure to have heard direct accounts of his brutality. You are likely to find at least one health care professional brave enough to connect you with someone else abused by your ex-doc. Based on my friend's experience, you'll probably end up with a chain reaction of close to a hundred wrenching accounts of abuse. Maybe five to ten of the abused women would be willing to testify on your behalf in court and/or write sworn statements. Also ask around and get the name of a GOOD lawyer who's willing to take on your case on a pro bono basis. Also immediately report your account to your sate's medical board. They're not likely to be helpful, but at least your report will be on record. Also consider going the "60 Minutes" route. I've seen a few similar stories there over the years. The woman I knew was hesitant to go this route for some reason, but I think it would have been a good gambit.
All the best to you ion your healing process, Sue. You WILL make it. I did.
Love, Kyra
Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Maree on February 04, 1999 at 00:22:29:
In Reply to: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Sue on February 03, 1999 at 16:55:34:
Sue,
I had an unnerving episode with my gynocologist this past
year and I've decided I'm not going back this year. My
doctor is a woman, but is woefully lacking in empathy, as
you might expect. I specifically have chosen female gynocologists, because I, personally, feel more comfortable with them. But this particular doctor made me feel about
2 inches tall each time I went to her. Some friends who've
been to her say it's a "cultural difference", as she is
of East Indian descent. Perhaps, so, but one would think
she would have some insight into how nerve wrenching the experience a gynocological exam can be.
Each year, for 7 years, she was progressively more and more
flippant in her attitude toward me. My yearly exam is
very stressful for me, because....I'll admit it, I just
hate being naked and spread-eagle on an examing table. I
don't say anything, but the tenseness in my body is enough
to tell the tale. This doctor would start off each exam
saying, "You're so nervous, why are you so nervous? You
have to get over this." She jabbed, poked and prodded
in a most uncomfortable way, without explaining any of her
procedures. Okay, I figure it's just something I have to
endure.
But last year my mammogram came back with a suspicious lump
on the x-ray. I was called into her office and she did another breast exam. She asked if I had a surgeon, and
said I needed to see one. Again, she chided me for being
anxious, and gave me another lecture on it. She didn't
explain anything to me, never soothed my fears, and all
the while I hadn't said one word. Then she saw my eyes
glaze slightly with a tear. She shouted at me, "What in
the heck are you all teared up about?!" I voiced that I
was fearful about the outcome, possible mastectomy, radiation, etc. She said, "So what? At least you'll be
alive!" Then she turned on her heel and started to exit
the examing room. I was trying to redress myself when she
said I'd better pull myself together before leaving the
room. Uh, thanks, doc.
I decided to take matters into my own hands and called doctors for 2 days before finding one out of state. I visited another doctor and their breast clinic to find that
the lump was only a fluid-filled cyst after a routine
sonogram. The money and anxiety I suffered for almost a month was quite painful over a simple cyst. I am sick
and tired of the "God complex" so many doctors exude toward their patients. No wonder many of us look to other resources to fulfill our medical needs.
Follow Ups:
Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Shannon on February 04, 1999 at 00:53:51:
In Reply to: Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Maree on February 04, 1999 at 00:22:29:
Maree,
Did they do a needle biopsy of the fluid? Because they told me the same thing about a fluid-filled cyst on my thyroid..."almost everyone has them, it is nothing", but it turned out to be cancer. I am not trying to scare you, but it is such a simple and easy thing and gives major peace of mind because you KNOW for sure! Just something to think about.....
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Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Maree on February 04, 1999 at 01:15:57:
In Reply to: Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Shannon on February 04, 1999 at 00:53:51:
Thanks for the warning, Shannon. But I went to a major
breast clinic, and they assured me it was just a fluid-filled cyst. Also, the examining doctor told me it
was a FF cyst from the high compression (ouch!) mammogram
I received, as well. I'm glad to hear they found the
malignancy on your thyroid in due time. Be well...Maree
Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Melanie on February 04, 1999 at 02:58:11:
In Reply to: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Sue on February 03, 1999 at 16:55:34:
Did you ever contact the police yourself? If he has done this before or afterwards someone might have reported this. I know you probably want to forget about it but if you can not, report it. This will at least ease the burden if it happens to someone else then the police and build a case. I will ask my husband he is a policeman what else you can do. Don't feel frightened because he will have to answer at his end for his sins even if you are unable to have thing done to him. Things happen for a reason (even though they seem crazy) but grow stronger and don't let him win by giving in to fear.
Re: nasty gynecologist -Thanks Shannon, Kyra, Maree and Melanie
Posted by Sue on February 04, 1999 at 17:07:57:
In Reply to: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Sue on February 03, 1999 at 16:55:34:
Hi Shannon, Kyra, Maree and Melanie
So very kind of all of you to take so much time on my behalf. I certainly feel sooooo much better! This doctor no longer appears so big and threatening. In fact all of you wrote with such loving concern that I would not be surprised if the doctor felt an annonying "pebble in his shoe today" - Big grin - wink! Still shakey but feel a lot better:o)
Sue
Re: nasty gynecologist - (TEETH GRINDING!)
Posted by Walt Stoll on February 04, 1999 at 17:34:22:
In Reply to: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Sue on February 03, 1999 at 16:55:34:
Dear Sue,
Your story (and those of the others sharing with you) just makes my blood boil. Although I have heard of hundreds of these situations (first hand), during my 30 years of practice, it seems that I will NEVER get used to them. In not one case did the Medical Board lift the license.
There were SOME cases where enough patients complained that the situation became general knowledge among the public and the board could no longer "sweep it under the table". Even in those cases, the worst that was done was a slap on the wrist called a "reprimand".
The best that anyone can do is to insist on an official complaint--which becomes a permanent record). Since, by law, these records are open to public scrutiny the accumulation of them would be available to anyone seeking a new doctor. Since most people will not go to the bother of looking at those records before throwing their body on the sacrificial table of the new doctor, these records do not serve their "ostensible" purpose: that of eliminating bad apples from the pool of docs by public action.
I had a whole section in my 80+ page "Client Handbook", that I gave every new patient I saw, about how one could assess the quality of any new doc without letting him/her "practice" on their body.
Suffice it to say, NO ONE IS GOING TO GET YOU OVER THIS BUT YOU. The government is not going to help you. The lawyers are not going to help you. The medical profession is the last group that would help you. You either give that b------d power over you for the rest of your life, while you do more damage to yourself than he ever did, OR, you get over it.
If you cannot find a compassionate & skilled counselor (I would call the AHMA and ask for counselors close to you who have an expanded level of training (919) 781-5146, you are going to have to do it yourself.
That number would be a good place to start to find a competent physician in your area. Perhaps, if I knew the part of the country you came from, I would know someone personally. You are the only one who can stop damaging yourself.
You are not alone but what good does it do for you to know that?
If you have not yet seen the new movie "Patch Adams" you should do so. At least you would begin to see that that doc was nearly as much a victim of the system as you were. He CAN'T be a happy camper.
The reason I wrote my book the way I did was that I want to destroy the allopathic monopoly. The only way the system can get away with this kind of shabby "practice" is because there is a monopoly. My book is designed to help people experience that they can relieve their chronic conditions better than the conventional monopoly. When they experience that, their first question must be: "Why did not MY doctor tell me that?" There ARE reasons and only an educated and aroused public can do anything about it.
Patch Adams has been a good friend of mine for more than 20 years. Those who know him know that the movie (though based on his life) doesn't do the true story justice. Be sure to read the captions at the end of the movie.
Listen to all those who responded to you. That a--h--e is not worth what you are doing to yourself.
Namaste` Walt
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Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Shannon on February 04, 1999 at 20:00:00:
In Reply to: Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Shannon on February 03, 1999 at 18:32:54:
What a brutal man! I'm so sorry he inflicted his own sick mentality on you.
I found that Reiki is very helpful in dispelling anger and helplessness. Have you ever tried it? Also, One-Brain work is good. No need for you to be distrurbed just becuase that a$$ is!
Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll
Posted by Vicki on February 08, 1999 at 12:18:02:
In Reply to: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Sue on February 03, 1999 at 16:55:34:
Sue, as a victim of sexual abuse as a child and one who has had subsequent therapy specifically for dealing with this kind of issue, I can sympathize with what you are going through. As a child taught to respect adult authority I'm sure you can understand how these types of experiences can undermine trust and affect a person throughout their life.
They try to teach you in therapy that you are not the bad guy but the victim and you are not powerless to move past the experience.
Instead of pushing around a kid, this doctor pushed around an adult feeling vulnerable. He blocked the door, made sure you had no clothes on, etc. etc. Considering how he behaved I applaud you for insisting on any further discussion.
Our society also teaches women to be submissive in their encounters with men. And this has gotten a lot of us into a lot of trouble. It's hard for us to say now, to be firm, to follow through if the behavior keeps up. It's important for you to realize that you are not a victim and you are the one in control. Anybody ever does this to you again, I suggest you loudly and firmly tell them their behavior is not acceptable to you and ask them to leave. I had someone stalk me once for a year and it really escalated to scary proportions. I finally got a gun, and the next time one of his "friends" called to harass me, I asked them to remind him who taught me to shoot and if he came anywhere near me I'd blow his f-----g head off. He never bothered me again. There's a reason they teach women to scream NO! in those self defense classes. It works. This guy isn't just a bad apple, he's a real aberration in our society. Fight back.
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Re: nasty gynecologist - TO WALT with THANKS
Posted by Sue on February 11, 1999 at 22:15:32:
In Reply to: Re: nasty gynecologist - (TEETH GRINDING!) posted by Walt Stoll on February 04, 1999 at 17:34:22:
Dear Walt - AKA Champion Teeth Grinder!
Unfortunately in my state the medical board is not required to release its records of complaints to the general public. Also it does not help if for example, if the doctor was reasonable in the past but then decides to abuse drugs the week of your appointment.
Quite frankly I think psycotherapy is a fad. Its inherent dualistic nature too often keeps victims in their place and "wise" therapists in their place. Not to say that it can't help some... Although I was definately a weakling, I did not want to shut up or define myself as victim. So I was quite stuck.
IMMEDIATELY after I read the first 4 wonderful posts on this topic I experienced what I will term as I shift. During SR I saw the "movie" of the abuse again. I saw how this uncreative bully penetrated my defenses. I also figured out, as Vicki pointed out in her post, how to use my voice to control the situation if the situation presents itself again. I did eventually learn from this bully - thanks to the help of the women.
I really believe that the compassion of these women was not pity, self indulgence, emotional sentiment but a powerful (perhaps mischievous) energy that shifted and changed things. After all, science has demontrated consciousness is energy and when one adds energy to a system it can change that system. This doctor can certainly cannot be a happy camper now!
Thanks for letting me indulge. I am so over this unhappy soul. He is not a victim of the system. He has choices. He could bail, push for changes but of course that might mean pain - or as you say "learning something new" -shame!
I will pursue him with my insurance company and the drug board.
Thanks again Walt, Bill and all the others for making this BB possible.
Sue
ps For anyone else sees "movies" while they do SR: I found paying total attention to my breath keeps me from being sucked into the drama.
Follow Ups:
Re: nasty gynecologist - Wow Vicki! Thanks!
Posted by Sue on February 11, 1999 at 22:42:41:
In Reply to: Re: nasty gynecologist - please advise me Dr Stoll posted by Vicki on February 08, 1999 at 12:18:02:
Dear Vicki,
Thanks for your very insightful response. I am sure you could appreciate that if a woman had been abused in the past this doctor would HIT ALMOST ALL her buttons. He really was quite a handful for me, you know what I mean.
Thanks for the applause. It made my heart grin to know that someone noticed I was not without some spunk.
My experience in getting past this situation confirms your advice to know thy voice and use thy voice with skill.
I really appreciate what you have written.
Re: nasty gynecologist - TO WALT with THANKS
Posted by Walt Stoll on February 12, 1999 at 11:20:24:
In Reply to: Re: nasty gynecologist - TO WALT with THANKS posted by Sue on February 11, 1999 at 22:15:32:
Thanks, Sue.
By the way, the "open records law" applies to every state. The Licensing Board MAY NOT keep anyone from seeing their records of complaints or actions about any doc.
Whoever told you the public was not privy to ALL of that information is just misinformed. You can just march into their offices and demand to see ALL of their records.
You are right that it might take several months to get stuff INTO the record where it would be available to the public.
Don't let them snow you. They are used to bullying the public and will continue to do so if you let them.
Walt
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Re: nasty gyn - Thanks again Walt! Looks like I was fed a lie. Burp:oo!
Posted by Sue on February 12, 1999 at 19:17:19:
In Reply to: Re: nasty gynecologist - TO WALT with THANKS posted by Walt Stoll on February 12, 1999 at 11:20:24:
Thanks I needed that, Sue