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Walt, you will not be surprised how "out of it" I am when it comes to things
contemporary. We are probably similar in that regard. I see headlines and
surmise the rest, so I am hopelessly out of touch with the culture of my own
time. Nothing has brought this more to my attention than recent events with
my daughter Cindy. As I think I’ve mentioned before, she calls me the
caveman.
Enthusiastic women shoppers who read this will agree I am a troglodyte. Last
Saturday, Cindy took me to a mall, one of those classy, multilevel, Orange
County theaters of the absurd.
She is single-handedly doing her wedding as well as the pregnancy, since her
beaux is still trying to extricate himself from his business interest in Cabo.
She has a web page for her wedding, has negotiated her ceremony with a
yacht company, done the invitations, hired entertainment and is getting her
gift registry in order. She has also arranged the honeymoon in Hawaii, which
is almost entirely free due to all the Hotel and airline points she has
accumulated. All this she does while working full time, dealing with massive
repairs of water damage in her home, and undergoing series of tests for a
risky pregnancy, including an amnio last week due to a recent warning test
for a fatal birth defect. Yes, she is firmly in the grasp of the allopathic. But,
this sort of multi-tasking is what she does for a living. She puts on huge
trade shows all over the country and manages a staff that handles every
minute detail. She sweats nothing; she just makes it happen.
In the Mall, she took me to this place called the Crate and Barrel and marched
right in and picked up a thing that looked like a TV remote and started going
around scanning stuff on the shelf. She told me she was creating her gift
registry. She said there would be a link on her wedding site, so her guests
could select the sort of things she wanted, and there would be no duplication
or returns necessary. I've heard of registries, but not so electronically
automated, and linked to the Internet. Her guests don't have to leave their
house to have gifts purchased, wrapped, and sent. Sharon likes to shop this
way, volume spending with minimal effort (groan).
I could see Cindy was going to be at this for awhile, and as usual, I was
feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of product and displays; that and
airport type crowds milling everywhere. I have mall phobia.
Outside (well, outside the stores, but still inside the mall), I wandered about,
moving just fast enough to not be run down. I felt so out of place and
disconnected to the shoppers, like in a foreign country, or better, a different
planet. What strange!
These malls are chick places! (Duh, oh really, ya think?) First thing I notice is
there are other men around on benches that have been provided (the seats
are padded in upscale Orange Co.), where we (gender) can sit like zombies
while the women forage. I have become too proud to join their pathetic
group anymore, or the ones standing around in the stores with blank stares
and holding bags, so I worked my way through the crowd, looking as much as
possible like I had a mission. In fact, I decided to consider my visit an
“exploration”. We like to feel meaning in our lives, don't we, even if we
shamelessly make it up?
Do you "get" to accompany your wife on mall outings, Walt, or do you maybe
like shopping? When I do venture out, I am a highly focused shopper. I know
what I come for, and I find it, buy it, and get out. Veni, vidi, vici.
Anyway, that day I saw a lot, but I don't think I came up with a single thing
that is new to anybody who is not a recluse. My view is only an admission of
my isolation and naiveté.
Everyone but me, for instance, probably knows that at this time of year they
have a little fenced off area, dead in the center of the mall, with Astroturf,
plastic bushes, and great colorful eggs the size of beach balls. There is a
throne sort of chair in there where some guy in a bunny suit (wearing pastel
oshkoshes) sits in front of a camera. It's like Santa Claus; you can have your
picture taken sitting on the Easter Bunny's knee!
And there is a little "bunny" parking area for the strollers. Parking!! Eh what?
And strollers are not strollers anymore either. Many have compartments for
two and three kids. They are heavy-duty contraptions with double wheels,
and fake steering wheels, more like little SUV's than strollers.
And there were dozens of miniature dogs on leashes. Sharon says this has
become fashionable since some sexy, young, media celebrity babes have
been marketed doing this on TV. Naturally, I can't remember their names,
but I remember the names of the breeds of some of the dogs. There were Shi
Tzus, Chihuahuas, Poodles, Boston Terriers, and a bunch of other unknown
exotic, neurotic looking hyper-sniffers. The few large ones that people
brought strained on leashes, trying to get to one of the little ones, who in
turn ran between legs for safety, where they could peer out with big eyes. I
would like to have played with those dogs.
And the costumes! Oh my gawd! For some of the decked out women, the
walk along the store fronts is a "runway", and I watched these thoroughbreds
slinking along (you know, the model walk) with heads held high, looking as
much as possible like the mannequins in the windows, which, did you know,
are nearly all bra-less now and sport prominent nipples?...the mannequins, I
mean! I haven’t noticed the male versions with “package” bulging, but I
suppose it is just around the corner.
But strikingly, the scene at the mall these days is a midriff ménage. It must
be the J-Lo influence. Now, see, I do know that name. I would say the
majority of the women up to mid twenties, and far too many from there into
late thirties wore costumes that ended slightly below the breasts and didn't
continue again until slightly above the pube line. Manufacturers must be
solidly behind this trend. Think of the profit in the reduction of material!
Walt, the majority of these women should not be wearing that stuff! Their
middle parts are far too eager to express relaxed freedom, and the concave
and convex parts are all reversed. Don't they have mirrors? I should add that
I don't mean to malign the mature figure, or women who don’t measure up to
the impossible standard of the media woman, it's just that...well, why try to
be J-Lo when...you know.
Finally I went into a P.F. Chang restaurant. I preferred a little solitary
Tanqueray retreat to the group zombie settee. I put a message on Cindy's
phone (at least I can't get lost in malls anymore with this electronic
advantage) telling her where I could be found, namely, in front of the bar TV,
not watching whatever basketball game was on, nursing my anesthesia, and
talking trash with the bartender, and there I stayed until Cindy arrived at my
shoulder to drive us home.
Just another day in the education of the father, lost in his own time.
In Reply to: Educating Father posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 28, 2005 at 06:29:08:
Jim,
I didn't read the part where you say how much this is costing you..LOL..That's part of being a father too..And if you think it's costing you money now, just wait untill the grand child comes along..BIG BUCKS..
One who knows, Silver Fox!
In Reply to: Educating Father posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 28, 2005 at 06:29:08:
I remember reading a previous post of yours, I think it was when you met up with your daugther at one of her trade shows. Anyway, I just wanted to say I enjoy your writing. If you're not a writer, you certainly should be!
By the way, I don't like malls either (and I'm a female--gasp!). I also agree with your observations on the latest clothing style--I don't think it's all that attractive, even with the body to pull it off. I've always had a good figure, and still, I wouldn't have dared to dress that way even back in my teens....too self-conscious. I was always glad I wasn't a teenager in the early 70s; thankfully, by the time I hit college, "preppy" was in! I think to me, the worst part of those "low-ride" pants is that they end in BELL BOTTOMS!!! Aaaaaargh..... I hope my current wardrobe will last me til the hell bottoms go out of style!
Tab
In Reply to: Educating Father posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 28, 2005 at 06:29:08:
Hi Jim:
Thanks, another good one for us to enjoy:-)
I'm not much of a mall shopper either. I'd rather be rummaging through an old, dusty book shop. Guess you could call me a fellow troglodyte.
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father..More too come.. posted by Steve [3019.1399] on March 28, 2005 at 09:18:37:
Ut oh! Don't tell me that:(
I've been looking forward to grandchildren lately.
I thought it would be different if I don't HAVE to foot the bill for things when it comes to grandchildren.:((
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father..More too come.. posted by D [6.1751] on March 28, 2005 at 13:52:49:
For some strange reason you don't mind paying..I think they call it love..
Silver Fox!
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father..More too come.. posted by Steve [3019.1399] on March 28, 2005 at 14:19:22:
That's more like I imagined. I didn't expect to get out of it free, just don't care as much about spending for the grandkids.
At least from a spectators view, that's what I've noticed.
Kinda cruel for the kids though,(watching the grandkids get special treatment) ...oh well.
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father..More too come.. posted by D [6.1751] on March 28, 2005 at 14:31:39:
Not really..Most times with grandkids you have the money, where with your kids you didn't always have extra cash..When your kids give you the eye, just tell them, it's your right of passage..
Silver Fox!
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father..More too come.. posted by Steve [3019.1399] on March 28, 2005 at 14:45:42:
Oh but I'm counting on my kids to give me the eye. I may be a little demented but I plan to enjoy my grand freedom of doing whatever the heck I want with my grand children( well within reason). I thought that's the fun part of it.
Nah, just kiddin. I will only have the grandkids character and future in mind when I become a grandmother but I wouldn't mind having a little fun,TOO. I think I can manage both.:)
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father..More too come.. posted by D [6.1751] on March 28, 2005 at 15:02:49:
Act like an idiot..They love it and so will you..Comes easy for me, he he..
Silver Fox!
In Reply to: Re: The secret of having your grandchildren love you.. posted by Steve [3019.1399] on March 28, 2005 at 15:17:22:
I'm well on my way then.
I'm still a bit bitter for the things I tried to do for my girls but was shot down by their grandmother(husbands mother,of course)who was a very hard core meddler. She was very loving of her grandkids but when I tried to keep sugar away from them during their infancy I was not only ridiculed but she gave them sweets behind my back.
I know I wasn't the perfect mother but my theory was if they didn't get sugar the first few years of their lives, they wouldn't be addicted to it but with my MIL's very strong personality I had no chance in accomplishing this. I really regret not putting my foot down harder but I still think it wouldn't have done any good. I mean, why give them cookies before they have teeth?, for goodness sake!!
On the other end they have a wonderfully sweet grandmother(my mother) who is a work-a-holic and is very generous and kind but not the best grandmother. She just started *spoiling* her kids, the youngest being almost 40. I don't know why she puts her own kids over her grand children but anyway I plan to be different from both.
I've had some practice with my grand newphews and neices so I think I'm ready.
Hopefully with what we now know about sugar I can start my grandchild out on the right foot. I think my kids would agree. I couldn't convince my MIL that we don't NEED processed sugar but my kids know better.
Shew!!! I finally got that one off my chest!!
In Reply to: Re: The secret of having your grandchildren love you.. posted by D [6.1751] on March 28, 2005 at 15:36:07:
D,
The best thing we can get from age is experience..Learn from your mother-in-law and mother what not to do with your grandchildren..Even when I don't agree with my daughter-in law I don't go behind her back..Always set the best example for your family..You can have a great influnce on both children and grandchildren..
Silver Fox!
In Reply to: Educating Father posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 28, 2005 at 06:29:08:
Thanks, Jim.
Another masterpiece! You are a man after my own heart! I hate shopping and am fortunate enough to be married to a woman who also hates shopping!
Of course, what you are describing so eloquently is not "shopping" but a social adventure--the current form of the "meat market".
Thank goodness the exposed navel fad will soon be gone like all FADs. The youngsters still have not come to the realization that artfuly concealed anatomy is much more seductive than exposed tissue. Many of the bellybutton models would even be insulted if anyone suggested that they were being publicly sexually seductive with those silly costumes.
I have still been able to avoid carrying a picture cell phone although I watch my wife connecting to the world with hers and am beginning to see the few advantages of having one. Like all real advances this one is being grossly abused with most people walking around with one glued to their head---even though many research articles now are suggesting that constant exposure to up close electronic radiation increases the risk of brain cancer.
Namaste`
Walt
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father..More too come.. posted by Steve [3019.1399] on March 28, 2005 at 09:18:37:
Right you are, Steve, and we are so fortunate and happy to be able to do it.
Sharon has already begun buying kid books, and we are funding a college
account in the trust. Just what you'd expect from a couple of teachers, huh?
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father posted by Tabby [15.1461] on March 28, 2005 at 09:25:34:
Thanks, Tabby. I have a picture of me in the early 70's wearing bell bottoms,
with a dashiki and mutton chops. I can't look at it without laughing.
If you could find me today, you would find me in Levis and t-shirt, and most
probably barefoot or sandaled. I like being underestimated.
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father posted by PhillyLady [1906.1536] on March 28, 2005 at 09:52:25:
Thanks PL. I am proud to call you a fellow troglodyte.
In Reply to: Educating Father...style posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 29, 2005 at 21:13:26:
" I like being underestimated."
Ah but that's only a disguise for all that activity that's taking place in your active mind...
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father (Some things are not worth learning.) posted by Walt Stoll [93.1889] on March 29, 2005 at 08:29:50:
Just think, Walt, someday the hand basket we're in today will be considered
the good old, low-tech days...or will they be chiselling in stone again?
Probably every generation fears for humankind's future. It truly is a Divine
Comedy.
In Reply to: Educating Father posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 28, 2005 at 06:29:08:
Glad to see I am not the only woman who doesnt enjoy shopping or malls.
I get in and I get out. Quickly.
But food shopping is another story. That takes time! It's a necessity , whether one enjoys it or not, it has to be done!
i went food shopping yesterday, on an empty stomach. Bad idea! thought I would be strong, and not want to buy the whole shop. Well, almost 200 dollars laterf, I left the grocery store, and yep, that was just for food, and just for the 2 of us!
I bought all kinds of unnecessary food items, that I would never have bought on a full stomach!
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father...style posted by gabriella [180.890] on March 29, 2005 at 21:25:51:
Nah, nothing that intriguing. It's just that people are less on guard. Most
importantly, everything matches. (a lazy grin goes here)
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father posted by blissy [4.1431] on March 29, 2005 at 21:54:12:
I am surprised to hear there are women who are not hooked on shopping.
blissy. I say "hooked" because there seems to be a certain pathology in it.
If at bottom the shopping urge is a vestige of the "hunter gatherer" days,
maybe even a genetic survival code, still, it has become freakish in the same
way men's war games (sports) have become an abomination when looked at
in a certain way (like from my eyes).
Gawd, I sound like some kind of extremist of one pole or the other, or at least
a bitter old man, but the truth is, I love the many shoppers and sports
enthusiasts in my life, and I appreciate the humor of it more than the bizarre
addiction of it.
When you are depressed, it might be more healthy to go to the mall or the
hockey rink than sit around and eat chocolate...or like me, get the worst of
both worlds with a glass of gin at the mall. Ha!
In Reply to: Educating Father$$$ posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 29, 2005 at 21:04:52:
Nothing but your best Jim..
Silver Fox!
In Reply to: Re: Educating Father$$$ posted by Steve [3019.1399] on March 30, 2005 at 08:28:43:
Hey Silver Fox. Would you send me an email at jimhare@mac.com please. I
have something way OT.
Jim
In Reply to: Educating Father...clothes pony posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 30, 2005 at 07:39:44:
"Nah, nothing that intriguing"
Really, I guess it's just my over-active imagination then.
~~~
"It's just that people are less on guard."
That's it exactly! And to make a statement about people in GENERAL: if one *wanted* to, they could accomplish certain things that they might not otherwise be able to if they were more visible. It could come in handy sometime...
In Reply to: Re: The secret of having your grandchildren love you.. posted by Steve [3019.1399] on March 29, 2005 at 07:46:54:
Hey Steve,
Yea, I'm not a go *behind the backer*, it's not my style at all.
How many do you have? I've had many newphews but no boys so I think I'll be in for grandsons. It won't matter either way but I just have a feeling.
In Reply to: Educating Father...genetic progamming posted by Jim H. [879.1895] on March 30, 2005 at 07:56:24:
I am always so surprised how women use shopping as "therapy" or retail therapy, as they like to call it. I use to think I was an anomaly, being a woman and not liking shopping, but thats just the way I am.
***When you are depressed, it might be more healthy to go to the mall***
That would depress me even more !
In Reply to: Re: The secret of having your grandchildren love you.. posted by D [15.1751] on March 30, 2005 at 18:05:44:
I have three, two girls and a tag-a-long boy..I don't love them too much..
Silver Fox!
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