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Hi Walt et. al.,
I left at four AM for my latest sojourn to CA to visit Father and daughter Cindy
recently. Father’s health is failing, and Cindy is bringing new life into the
world. I make these 700 mile, weekend round trips every month or so, as I
did when Mother was dying. I don’t know why I do these exhausting trips, or
what good comes of them. I chose the early starting time to miss traffic. It
worked.
I also missed the whole Harley River Run weekend here, which consisted of
70.000 motorcycle enthusiasts (including authentic Hell’s Angels), and the
hard-chick Harley mamas in leather, German army helmets, tattoos, and
exposed butt cracks. The spectacle brings revenue to the area but is a
nuisance to me.
At one lonely desert moment, early in the drive, a spectacular full moon set
on a dark, jagged range ahead, while the sun rose in the rear view mirror.
You might call it the cusp of day, and I took it as a metaphor for a fading
father and a nearly third trimester grandchild.
The OM of hissing tires, the bare desert landforms, and my slightly crossed
eyes on the distant two-lane highway put me in a trance state where great
and trivial thoughts moved me as I sat so still behind the wheel. My road
musings that morning were images of past and future, rolling together and
splashing apart like mercury, and impossible to handle. Of course, I can’t
remember them. They are all seeds now (to mix the metaphor), blown off
somewhere, to the soil of another place, another time, where perhaps they
will take root, and maybe grow into a shade rest or a story, if I can ever spot
them again.
Father survives, unhappy, mostly in voluntary self-confinement in his little
independent-living room. We visited. I took him to lunch, but, alas, the
burger was not pink inside as it should have been, and the salad lettuce
pieces were not chopped finely enough; yet another meal that is the worst
he’s ever had. Each new restaurant transgression Father experiences is worse
than all the others, according to him, but the pall his negativity casts on the
table each time is pretty much the same for the rest of us.
Cindy is doing well, and I like being with her. She froze in her tracks in the
kitchen, and got a faraway look on her face. When I asked her what was
wrong, she took my hand and put it on her swollen tummy. My one and only,
first time, surprise grandchild gave my palm a swift kick, and my spirit a
jump-start. This child-forming thing is such a grounded, yet helpless, fate-
bound, waiting experience for me. And I’m just the impatient grandpa, what
must it be for the mother?
We took me to be measured for the ceremonial tux. I have to be all dressed
up to walk Cindy down the aisle and say my few words. I hope I can stay in
the moment.
Then what? Then I drove back home, you know, ribbon of highway cliché,
where the road goes under the car real fast, but the mountains stay distant.
It’s a slow motion year, Walt, Shakespearean in its universal, generational
themes and petty in its pace. Life seems to be living me. Come to think of it,
the whole thing might sound better in the nasal twang of a country western
song…just ordinary life after all.
In Reply to: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 29, 2005 at 06:25:29:
Sir, I'm going to go out on the limb again and put myself at further risk but I have to say it is a pleasure to read your writings.
Maybe it's because although your experiences are universally common, you have such a unique way of describing them.
Thanks for sharing.
D
In Reply to: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 29, 2005 at 06:25:29:
Jim,
You made the 700 mile trip because that's what your supposed to do..Your father sounds just like my mother did, I wondered why she even bothered to go out to eat, when it was never any good..Best advise I can give you, is try and learn from this and never be like that when you reach that age..
So your grandchild said hello..Ain't that great..You have so much knowledge to share, so spend as much time with it as you can..Enjoy, enjoy, because your supposed too..Its you right of passage..
Silver Fox! ( grandfather of three )
In Reply to: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 29, 2005 at 06:25:29:
Hello Jim,
Sounds like you care about your family and have good feelings about your life! That's wonderful.
Best wishes,
Jan
In Reply to: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 29, 2005 at 06:25:29:
Thanks, Jim.
Eloquent as usual. Memories.........
All those motorcyclists moved to Panama City for this weekend. I know exactly what you mean!
Namaste`
Walt
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Day posted by D [15.1751] on April 29, 2005 at 07:06:48:
Thanks for the complimen, D. If you’d care to inch a little farther out on that
limb, I’d like to apologize for the misunderstanding before.
jimhare@mac.com
I don’t bite. (grinning)
In Reply to: Re: A life is going and one is coming to replace it.. posted by Steve [3019.1399] on April 29, 2005 at 08:16:08:
Thanks, Steve. The thing is, I remember my folks, and the parents of several
friends saying how they would never be "that way" (referring the the eccentric
behavior of their own parents). Well, they all seem to have forgotten.
It doesn't bode well for us, Silver Fox, so I continue to be as kind as I can to
oldsters, hoping there will be some justice and mercy in Karma.
Jim
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Day posted by Happygal [2062.23] on April 29, 2005 at 22:09:55:
Yeah I do, Jan, thanks, but sometimes it seems like a soap opera, doesn't it? I
don't think I'm unique in that...am I?
Jim
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Day posted by Walt Stoll [93.1889] on April 30, 2005 at 08:06:36:
Yes, Walt...memories. I got out the old albums so Cindy could get some
pictures of herself as a child for a poster at the wedding. There were pictures
of me then. Who was that guy? I don't even know him anymore.
Jim
In Reply to: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 29, 2005 at 06:25:29:
as usual, another interesting story.
When I was making monthly 400mi trips after working all day. I used to get a headache after 80mi, and kept stoping to buy aspirins. I used to let a friend drive till I felt better. One time I decided take aspirins before starting on the trip. I drove the whole 400mi and without geting a headache, and felt fresh when I arrived.
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 30, 2005 at 08:29:00:
Hi Jim,
No need to apologize, it's ok.
I'm afraid you'd be disappointed in conversing with me. Especially since I seem to have forgotten how to spell correctly.
I must say though I don't only envy your writing talents, I also would like to experience a grandchild before I'm too old to enjoy it.
However since child rearing has become more complicated I don't want to rush them into having children before they're ready so I don't mention it. I just wait.
I also am not a fan of motorcycles.
Take Care,
D
In Reply to: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 29, 2005 at 06:25:29:
"...and the salad lettuce pieces were not chopped finely enough; yet another meal that is the worst he’s ever had. Each new restaurant transgression Father experiences is worse than all the others, according to him, but the pall his negativity casts on the table each time is pretty much the same for the rest of us."
Ahhh...the luncheon debacle. Nice restaurant, refreshing iced tea, wonderful company, then the waiter brings that damned salad!
You've accurately described the last outing I had with my mother. Are you sure you weren't the gentleman sitting at the table behind us??
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Day posted by Vince F [1194.1745] on April 30, 2005 at 12:55:07:
What, no habanero?!
You are the king of remedy, Vince.
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Day posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on May 01, 2005 at 06:39:02:
Wasn't that much into hot peppers back in the 60's, but convinced a friend that some mild ones weren't hot. They were for him, so he cursed me while his face got red and he started to sweat. He became a fireman when he got out of the service. Wonder if that was the reason.)
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Day posted by ~CT [3379.1999] on April 30, 2005 at 21:08:57:
It might have been, ~CY...if you remember a screaming kid at one of the
other tables which further frazzled Father!! I would like to have choked the
oblivious parents. As a teacher, I do more parenting in absentia than you can
imagine. Grrr.
Jim
In Reply to: Re: The Cusp of Days gone by posted by Jim H. [3564.2003] on April 30, 2005 at 08:53:57:
Yeah, Jim.
I filed away all the albums and I still see myself as that guy that graduated from highschool as long as I do not pass a mirror :o).
Walt
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