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I slept around the clock last night...from one O’clock yesterday
afternoon until six O’clock this morning! The reason is because
Kashi, the deaf, blind, and somewhat senile love dog, is gone; no
geriatric Shih Tzu to wake me in the night to get him off the bed and
guide him to his pottie papers and water dish...and the exhaustion of
it all. The last year, our home became a doggie convalescent home,
and we did not realized how high the emotional toll was. Holding
him while Dr. Bart administered the merciful coup de gras was much
harder than we thought, and the relief in our lives is much greater
than we imagined. If our decision had been based only on how it
affected us, we’d have put him down a year ago, but euthanasia is
such a complex jumble of love issue, complicated by concern, hope,
sacrifice…even guilt. Heart rending. Merciful release. So long, my
little pirate!
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
So sorry Jim. At least you know several things: he lived a long life which was filled with lots of love and care, and now he is finally at peace.
Perhaps he will come to you in your dreams and let you know how he is. I dreamt about my father the day after he died. He was in heaven and he let me know what he was going to be doing, it was comforting.
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
I haven't been able to witness the coupe da grass. It was too stressful, and one of the 2 times I had to have it done, the dog wasn't concious. I felt not witnessing the ending, they wouldn't seem dead to me, just gone someplace else.
I wait till there is no hope, though I haven't found a vet who I believe really knows, but then I guess they don't really know the animal, seeing them rarely, or just once. I wait till I feel there isn't any hope, after doing all I feel that I can.
Your memories should be mostly good ones. I always switched my thought from the sad, last ones, to the ones that made those days so sad, even the day before, when even though they were in bad shape, they reminded me why I took them, and how much worth it, even the difficult times they may have created, where I wanted to strangle them, but I wouldn't have those memories that I laugh about now, and the really joyful or touching ones they gave me. Think of the people who never experience the good times you had, and how much they miss.
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
Hi Jim,
So many changes and transitions for you within the last year or so.... I hope you're doing well and taking good care of yourself.
Best wishes,
Jan
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
"A good man will take care of his horses and dogs, not only while they are young, but also when they are old and past service." ~Plutarch
Blessings to you for ministering to Kashi for so long and then making that difficult decision. I pray I won't be faced with that decision for my geriatric kitty.....praying she'll just go in her sleep one day.
I'm sure you've heard of the "Rainbow Bridge"--if not, it's a beautiful poem about where beloved pets go when they pass on.....to the lovely setting that awaits them while they pass the time waiting on you to rejoin them someday.....
Tab
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
The same thing happened here a few weeks ago, and all of your words fit exactly. Thanks for the prose.
In Reply to: Re: puppy wings posted by Tabby [6.1461] on July 08, 2006 at 12:50:53:
I have two geriatric dogs, one gone on 15 and the other just turned 12, each with their own set of health problems. Just this morning my dachsund had another flare-up with his bad disc. I dread the day. And that poem, Rainbow Bridge, makes me bawl like a baby every time I read it; especially the part about one day petting that little head again. *sigh*
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
It is very hard Jim. I run a pack of dogs, this is my way of "dealing". However, when one of them is ill or dying or dead, a flood of emotions still overwhelm me. Mercifully I have had to only put two of my dogs down and then, only when all other options had been exhausted. Kashi was lucky to have you to care for him.
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
Thanks, Jim.
When it is time for euthanasia, it is the last service of love one can give to one of these special little creatures. They simply do not live long enough.
Namaste`
Walt
In Reply to: puppy wings posted by Jim H. [1595.2562] on July 08, 2006 at 10:24:05:
Jim,
I have had to do the unselfish duty of putting my beloved cat of 12 years down. I understand the relief, sorrow and the guilt. I wish they did live longer. My thoughts are with you.
Debbie
In Reply to: Re: puppy wings posted by Carol [1362.1351] on July 08, 2006 at 20:21:25:
Hi Carol. Yes, it's so hard to watch our pets age. We thought our old kitty had cancer 2 years ago (vaccine acquired sarcoma)--our vet sent her to the Vet School oncology dept for further biopsy, etc., and I was a basketcase during this time (but it wasn't cancer!). I remember reading Rainbow Bridge then and just cried and cried..... Now of course I'm glad she was (is) fine, but now--someday--I'll have to go through that all over again (there's a lesson in there somewhere....about "worry"!)
It's a real energy-draining time--this worry over our loved ones (and I don't mean physical energy exactly either).
I'll be sending good thoughts your way for you and the puppy dogs. Give 'em a scratch for me....
Tab
In Reply to: Re: puppy wings posted by Walt Stoll [93.1889] on July 09, 2006 at 07:19:51:
...go to prove my contention that we, the pet owners, are such a sappy bunch!
Jan, you mentioned all the changes and transitions in my life recently. So true! We've all seen the statistics, and maybe even filled out a questionnaire online or in a magazine that gives a numerical value to the experience of each major life event...you know, the higher the score you get, the more likely a major illness. I’m over the top. Thanks for the heads up.
I have been concerned about this and have, in fact, experienced a flare-up of a chronic disease process that I am now working on (because one can't take these chronic problems to conventional docs). I'm hoping this is as bad as it is going to get for now, and I'm sure it would have been worse without the mitigating effect of pet love from my brood.
Now that we’ve indulged ourselves in the gut-wrenching side of pet ownership, I feel moved to repost a story from the good times:
One Of The Dangers Of Alternative Healing Practices
Everything is perfect. I close my eyes and breath deeply. Schumann’s “Dreaming” plays on the CD player, and my spirit wafts in the melody, rising lazily like the aromatic smoke from the official Satya Sai Baba Nag Champa Agarabatti incense which I have purchased just for this purpose. I have taken great care to create a timeless mood to begin this, the first of my twice-daily sessions of skilled relaxation. Standing in the middle of the room, which I have rearranged to accommodate my practice of yoga and tai chi, I allow my awareness to go to my body, and I sway gently to and fro, searching for my point of balance.
“Dreaming” ends and Chopin’s “Nocturne in E flat major” comes on as I slowly and deliberately lower myself onto the carpet. I am on my stomach, palms flat on the floor in a push-up position, what the yogis call the “cobra” position. Keeping my legs and butt completely relaxed, which is no easy thing, I raise my head and shoulders ever so slightly off the floor. I am thinking how good it will feel when I roll over and stretch the muscles along my spine that I am now contracting. My gaze comes to rest on my dog, Tagg. She is sleeping, sprawled on the floor at the other end of the room. She is sixty-five pounds of two-year-old affection looking for a place to happen. She is a four-legged tongue with a tail. She seems to wag at both ends at times.
She awakens and our eyes lock. I watch as her nostrils flair and her ears, two black conical radar units, more efficient than any in Uncle Sam’s arsenal, swivel in simultaneous union as she locks on to my position. Her eyes widen as her primitive brain issues an announcement, “Human on the Floor!! Human on the Floor!!”
My life passes before my eyes. Somewhere in the distance I hear a lawnmower. I remember that I have left the keys in the ignition of the car in my driveway. I realize I should have told my father I loved him, and worst of all, I did not change my underwear. I do not want them to find me like this. But it’s too late for all that. My fate is sealed, for I am on the floor, and I have forgotten to put the dogs up.
I see Tagg’s brow furrow slightly as her ancient canine reasoning center strains to conclude the obvious. “He wants to play!!!” Message delivered. In one frozen instant her entire countenance breaks into one totally integrated body, mind, and spirit smile of joy, even before the memo reaches her tail. Any dog lover will know what I am saying here.
She is on me in a trice. I have no chance. Sixty-five pounds of puppy love pummel and lick every spot where two hands and arms cannot cover. And if this is not enough to break the perfectly good spell, my other two dogs show up out of nowhere to join in.
We have all heard about the sixth sense of animals; like, for instance, when they start getting all restless just before an earthquake (That is like a tornado or hurricane in the ground for all you non west coast types), or where they can find their way home from great distances, that sort of thing. I am willing to accept that my two shrimp boats only heard the excited jingling of Tagg’s license and rabies tag, and that is what brought them running, but they arrived so quickly that I will not discount the theory of doggy email on the astral plane either.
Kashi is the frustrated Shih Tzu whose present incarnation is apparently some accident or cosmic joke. He is a Pit Bull in a diminutive Asian body. He also has only one eye, and rather blusters about like a pirate when he gets indignant. Tyler is a twelve-year-old miniature Schnauzer with only three legs. He is now affectionately known as Typod.
Both these two are on me just a moment behind Tagg. There are exposed spots of skin aplenty for three determined tongues, and they have me giggling and flailing. Tyler’s balance is not very good, so he is getting knocked over, and Kashi’s depth perception is not good, so he is constantly smacking into me face first in his excitement. All this is striking me as hilarious, and I am howling and out of breath.
At last I take the offensive. I begin to wrestle and grab, but there are too many of them. Every time I get one, the other two attack me from different angles. Now I know what it is to be a caribou downed by a pack of wolves. We go on in our mock battle till we collapse with tongues out.
Then it gets very quiet, and we start looking around at each other like tuckered youngsters in a respite from a pillow fight. Tagg is the first to break. She takes a nip at Kashi’s rear end and gallops by me, tucking her own tail and rear as I take a swipe at her. Then we are at it for another round.
All this ends in a nap, all four of us together on the waterbed, peaceful and warm. There will be no meditation this morning. I will have to consider this nap as an alternative to an alternative form of healing.
In Reply to: Re: puppy wings..All your wonderful replies... posted by Jim H. [801.1351] on July 10, 2006 at 06:38:50:
Jim, Thx. I enjoyed it just as much as the first time I read it. Especially, the "human on the floor" part. Ever since I read for the first time, I've used the phrase whenever my cocker mix prances towards me because his brain has processed "Human on the Floor, human on the floor! Funny.
In Reply to: Re: puppy wings..All your wonderful replies... posted by Jim H. [801.1351] on July 10, 2006 at 06:38:50:
Thanks, Jim.
One more time!
Namaste`
Walt
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