Jim Hare classic posts Archives

Creation

Sorry if this has already been posted.

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and
yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it,
add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour
from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And
Woman went from size 6 to size14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the
repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and
named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained
pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained
pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories
and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its
99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is
good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Re: Creation

Re: Creation

Re: Creation

Re: Creation

Michele...

Re: Creation

Re: Creation