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I think maybe I am getting a clue why you keep up the board, Walt.
Since returning home, I have found a melancholy in me, long in
arrears since I retired. I’ve lost my mantle.
I once started a story about the title “Mr.”, trying to sort out my
feelings about being called that. Never finished it. When I first got
into teaching, I envied the other teachers who had gone on to get
their PhD’s. Somehow “Mr.” Seemed a second-class sort of address.
As the years went by, however, I came to realize what a great handle
of respect it is to be referred to in that way, the humble honor of a
“Mr. Chips”. But that’s another story.
I am an emeritus now, with some recognition left in this town, but it
is different than before. The archetype of “teacher” is powerful, with
student, parent, and general public, but not so much without a
classroom. Being called an ex-teacher makes me feel like the first
time a waitress called me “Hon”, confirmation of my aging and
therefore, non-virile category.
Mostly I miss the responsibility that the power demanded, the trust
that entry into the lives of my charges required. The position
provided the power I loved so well and used in the way I was so well
equipped to do. Teacher, yes, but also healer, guardian of youthful
and wounded spirits. Guide, counselor, confessor, even surrogate
parent; all roles made possible by the mantle of “Teacher”.
To be honest, there were personal roles to act out too: stand-up
comic, court jester, performance artist, and High and Mighty Judge, to
name a few. I lived these archetypes in the service of a greater good,
and the kids and parents knew it.
I miss the strength of the ties that bound me to the children and
gave me the opening to their souls…and to mine. It was automatic
with the position, not something I had to earn, just something I had
to hold on to and use in the right way...and not blow it. As soon as a
year was done, that tie was broken to a large extent, though kids did
come back to see me from time to time. But always there was the
next year’s crop of youngsters. No more.
So I mourn.
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
Ahhh but this is where you can make a difference with youth in other
ways - there are many volunteering opportunities or, you could go
back as an assistant or volunteer, or even teach again.
Mantle; only you can bring it back.
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
Jim, I wondered when it was going to hit. It certainly is a loss, all the way around. As they say, we don't fully appreciate something until it's gone. Hey, we'll be your students Mr. Hare!
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
I did not retire when I turned 65 this year. I had to ask myself. " What the heck am I going to do?" If your health is good and you enjoyed what you were doing, why retire? Our minds as well as our body's are designed to work. Not sit around and watch the world go by. When my boss said, " We would like you to stay as long as you want too." That was all I needed to hear. I now plan to work until I am 70. Then I will look at my options. I am drawing a pension from a previous job and in March of 2008 I will start to draw full SS. This last year has been a lot of fun. Working because I want too, not because I have too.
My advice to you Jim, is find something ( work ) and get-er done.
Silver Fox!
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
Change is often hard. Whenever there is a loss there is a time of mourning. I'll bet a year from now you will be excited about something else and be looking ahead and not back. Just wait!
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
Jimmy J. :-), there is an organization called, "Big Brothers and Big Sisters" or something similar. You adopt a child to mentor and befriend, and must commit to a certain amount of time per week. I have always wanted
to do it, but time does not permit me to right now. Maybe this is something you might like because you will be able to develop a meaningful relationship and and chance to really help a child, not to mention enlivening your own spirit.
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by Michele [2503.4192] on December 17, 2007 at 07:23:20:
Hey hon, you can teach me a few things in my Winnebago. Your career isn't over yet, you sweet thing!
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
Thanks for the comments. This is just a realization, no big thing. I'm
not rueful, but rather aware of a sadness of passing. The loss of
status and power surprises me.
I still look forward, without regret, with plenty of meaningful things
to do, happy with my decision to move on. I can carry the mourning
with me...no need to avoid the discomfort, or try to recreate the past
in a different setting. It helps to put it into words.
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
Thanks, Jim.
Good thoughts!
Walt
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
Hi Jim,
Yes, it's good to allow expression of your feelings. I agree, with all you have to offer, find some volunteer work or less demanding job. The world needs people of heart.
Best wishes,
Jan
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by Martha [6689.4381] on December 18, 2007 at 01:57:59:
Wow, Martha's back! LOL
In Reply to: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 17, 2007 at 07:13:30:
I thought I remembered you being depressed when you were teaching too...or am I wrong?
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by PhillyLady [5444.2761] on December 18, 2007 at 12:42:59:
I think she is confusing me with Deepockets, who would be chock-a-
block with emotion if he knew.
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 18, 2007 at 13:58:44:
Hey Jim:
"...I think she is confusing me with Deepockets"
No confusion there. Your wisdom is on par with his, IMO:-)
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 18, 2007 at 07:29:41:
Hi Jim
Although I have not "retired," I have had to face a loss in such a
manner. I am not playing violin at all anymore, and probably is a
permanant thing. I am only 46, but for 39 of those years, violin
(music) was my life. As I read your words, I got tears in my eyes
knowing the struggle to find a meaning after your interaction is done
on your comfortable and familiar level, no longer seeing the same
people, no longer making the same statement to the world, or at least
not in the same manner, and trying to find a sense of self without the
exterior world interacting on a daily basis. And, I distinctly
understand this statement.
"no need to avoid the discomfort, or try to recreate the past
in a different setting".
After accepting the discomfort and even living inside of it with
acceptance, then we begin to move on to the next level of light,
slowly, sometimes painfully, but with a definite movement towards
another entrance we have possibly shunned in the past. When this
happens to us down here, and I am sure a lot of us go through it if we
can just allow, the loss only becomes part of the journey of finding
our true selves, without the exterior world of interaction reflecting
our meaning and our value. We learn that we matter, forever and
always. And...so does everyone else. Peace and love to you, Jim.
dd
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by Jan DeCourtney, CMT (Happygal) [383.4381] on December 18, 2007 at 08:48:53:
...but, hey, I'll be here in the world...somewhere...doing something. I
appreciate the kind sentiment, Jan. I follow your posts and am happy
for your recent successes.
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by PhillyLady [5444.2761] on December 18, 2007 at 14:03:24:
...he's such a lech! Or are you damning me with saint praise.
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by Sounder [2889.2765] on December 18, 2007 at 13:52:03:
I think there must be a real question, or an observation, or a point
somewhere here, Sounder. C'mon, help me out.
This is a good-natured response...really.
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by k. [2065.890] on December 17, 2007 at 14:54:41:
Thanks, Spider.
My joy is teaching kids to read. I've learned to do this (remarkable!).
It's like SR; there is no one way to get there. I think I will eventually
volunteer at the school and work with the waifs. No mantle, but
maybe some stories.
In Reply to: meaningful posted by JIm H. [5199.4368] on December 18, 2007 at 18:09:46:
JJ,
It must be miraculous and so rewarding to enable a child to take such an important and life-changing step. That's true altruism. Looking forward to the stories...and you will always wear a mantle in our eyes, always. :-)
In Reply to: I don't know, Phillylll posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 18, 2007 at 17:32:28:
Saint praise...lawdamighty! What you doing flirting with that cream cheese hussy, when the Winnebago is warmed up and waiting? Purring like a kitten, even. Deepockets ain't got nothin in his pocket to go fishing after.
In Reply to: Re: Lost sentence posted by JIm H. [5199.4368] on December 18, 2007 at 18:00:51:
I meant, Sounder, that my response is "friendly". On re-reading, it
almost sounds like I'm saying yours wasn't. I'm just asking what you
mean.
In Reply to: Thanks, Jan... posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 18, 2007 at 17:29:26:
What you need to remember is that the kids will remember you, if you were good to them they will never forget it.
I have had teachers that have a special place in my heart, and there are a lot of kids that are open to those memories later in life if not in the present time.
If you loved them they will never forget, so I don't think I believe the mantle isn't lost.
In Reply to: Re: Lost Mantle posted by dd [8880.4164] on December 18, 2007 at 16:21:00:
for the thoughtful message.
In Reply to: Re: Lost sentence posted by JIm H. [5199.4368] on December 19, 2007 at 00:22:31:
Actually, I guess I was being blunt and vague at the same time. Not a good combination and you probably would have been justified in thwacking me around a bit. : )
The sense I've gotten from your writings is that you tend towards melancholy. This could be completely in error on my part. I am not a complete reader of the board and the writings could be a small portion of the whole that needs an outlet. I can gravitate towards melancholy myself.
It seems perfectly normal to face some difficulty upon retirement. If that is the case, I am confident you will find your post-primary career niche. Perhaps travel writing?
I wish you the best.
Sounder
In Reply to: Re: Lost sentence posted by Sounder [2889.2765] on December 19, 2007 at 19:35:27:
Reflection vs melancholy, often confused...
In Reply to: Re: Lost sentence posted by Sounder [2889.2765] on December 19, 2007 at 19:35:27:
When you love something that you do, for a living nonetheless, you
are blessed. I don't know if you have had that priviledge, to do the
passion you were born to do? Not being rude, it is just that a lot of
people never get to the place where they figure out what their
personal individual passion really is, let alone do it daily for many
decades of your life. But, when it's over, it is like a death, because it
is SO good to have it in your life. Even if he is melancholy, it is
because he loved what he did. It is just part of a natural process.
People that feel deeply often feel all emotions, and can feel
melancholy more than others. It isn't a sign of anything wrong, just a
difference of sensitivity. In fact, it would be unhealthy for most
people to push those feelings down. It is nice that he felt safe
enough to share it on this bb. That is amazing to me and really is a
compliment, should you be able to look at this way.
dd
In Reply to: Re: Lost sentence posted by Sounder [2889.2765] on December 19, 2007 at 19:35:27:
Well, then, I suppose we are kin in our wistful tendencies, Sounder.
Anyway, how could anybody live on the Sound and not be deeply
soulful! Melancholy may be too strong though. I am drawn to
subdued, thoughtful, introspective musing. I am surprisingly
extroverted and social...in small doses.
Funny you should mention travel writing. That is what I think I do
already. : ) My teaching stories are really just write-ups of
navigation through daily moments. The last few years have been an
inner travelogue. Thanks for connecting, and for musing these
thoughts for me.
In Reply to: I don't know, Phillylll posted by Jim H. [5199.4368] on December 18, 2007 at 17:32:28:
Jim:
Uh....Maybe I was talking about the other side of the pocket.....the lining:-)
In Reply to: Re: I don't know, Phillylll posted by Martha [6689.4381] on December 18, 2007 at 22:41:34:
Martha, Martha:
"....the Winnebago is warmed up and waiting"
Don't you mean the lumbago is acting up and flamming?
Still trying to lure Jim into your web, aren't you?
In Reply to: Re: I don't know, Phillylll posted by PhillyLady [1262.2761] on December 19, 2007 at 22:13:49:
Make that "flaming", not "flamming". Got a little cream cheese in the eye:-)
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