Jim Hare classic posts Archives

frenzy detox

Last night Sharon was marveling at having waves of feeling good.
 The good feeling arrived, she said, as an overall body sensation.
 She had this realization that she liked not having to go to work. 
And I wondered, could this something she did not know before this?
 But of course not, she just meant that she has lowered her stress
level enough that she can allow the feeling to happen.  

The good feeling will not be continuous, I am sure.  It will sputter
along, but with longer and longer periods of feel-good as we adjust
to retirement.  Finally this is happening...after more than a year!

Sharon is still recovering from the previous lifestyle that changed
from classroom teaching one day, to caring for her mother the next. 
The care turned into probate lawyers, and to that Sharon purposely
added the difficulties of starting a business. A tax lien and a few
contractors later, a family spat gave us our “exit excuse” back to the
Aerie Convalescent Monastery and Desert Detox Retreat.  

That was a year ago, and since then Sharon has not had
responsibility hanging over her head except what she hangs there
herself, that and feeling a responsibility for me, which sometimes
hangs over her like Joe Btfspik’s cloud.  At times I seem to her like
another piece of a vast territory of uncontrollable events for which
she accepts responsibility. 

Her good feeling, I would say, comes from letting go of control,
questioning responsibilities, and reopening sheet-covered rooms in
the dusty upstairs of the mansion that is our relationship.

From the Book of Jim:

The home reflects the relationship, but decorating, renovating, or
even organizing and cleaning, will not make the relationship any
better or make the worry go away.  Rediscovering the relationship,
however, is like opening a sheet-covered room in a mansion of
satisfaction.   

You cannot convince yourself there is nothing to worry about.  But
you can be still long enough to see there is not.