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ive had this problem since i lost my virginity 4 years ago, but i havnt seen a doctor about it cuz i havnt had that many sex partners to worry about it and luckily i had an understanding girlfriend at the time...anyways every time im going to have sex whether it be for the first time with a new person or even for the 100th time with the same person i always ejaculate within 3 mins on the first encounter... very disappointing for me and her.. to perform for a longer amount of time lets say 30 mins i need to go through 2 maybe the 3rd time to get to where i can last 30 mins..ive been labeled the minute man by a one night stand due to this problem.. i have tried desensitizing gel but it just made me loose almost all feeling and then eventually go limp...another bummer..any advice.. i want to be satisfying
In Reply to: Premature Ejaculation?? posted by need advice on May 02, 2002 at 17:06:23:
3 mins? That would be a marathon for my partner. Now I am seriously wondering whether he suffers from premature ejaculation.
He lasts a whole one minute, and sometimes well I am left hanging although he takes care of me in other ways, it is kind of disappointing.
What is the average amount of time for a male before ejaculation???? This maybe why I cant orgasm during sex, its never long enough. ;-(
In Reply to: Premature Ejaculation?? posted by need advice on May 02, 2002 at 17:06:23:
Is that 3 minutes of actual penetration ? Believe it or not, that's within normal. I think you already figured this out though .ie. the 2nd or 3rd time you last longer.
Alternatively, do the 1st one "by-hand" before you see her, that way your first time with her will be ok.
In Reply to: Premature Ejaculation?? posted by need advice on May 02, 2002 at 17:06:23:
I don't have the problem but can go longer each time. Is it
possible that you are very big and get stimulated more or
your partner isn't very well lubricated at first and
causing more friction ?? If I want to orgasm faster,
increasing the friction or tightness will accomplish it.
In Reply to: Premature Ejaculation?? posted by need advice on May 02, 2002 at 17:06:23:
Hi, need.
Listen to marathon, teenie & sweet.
Another option is to read the Kama Sutra.
Let us know how you do.
Walt
In Reply to: Re: For the Men here....Premature Ejaculation?? posted by Sweet Lady on May 02, 2002 at 19:31:47:
I had the same "problem" although I refused to see it as a problem and turned it into an advantage. I kept her satisfied through other means after my 1st ejac and then had the second last about 12 -15 minutes. I was told to think of something else during sex to prevent ejac but i could not do it because i did not want ot think of anything else. There are practices that you can so to help you last a little longer where you masterbate to almost ejac and then squeeze the head to prevent it. It help you gain a little more control and if done properly actually increases your pleasure some. I think after I decided that I was not worried about it and kinda happy that I could come so wuickly and still satisfy my woman I lasted longer and longer. I can last a half an hour now if I choose which i rarely choose to do the 1st time. I believe that a woman is more able to come through intercourse after you have them nice and woozy from coming 2-3 times with other methods. I have definetely experienced women I have been unable or they have been unable ot come through intercourse that have come and were satisfied with other methods. I have also given women their 1st orgasm though intercourse after using other methods to bring them to orgasm first. also for me it is important to come first sometimes to get them in the right mood and relaxed for them to enjoy the rest of the session. I am not "hung like a horse or an excellent lover" it just seemed to work out that way for me. Alot of the women i have been with were hard to get into the right frame of mind and relaxed enough to enjoy themselves and too let go of their inhibitions for lack of a better word. I also took the theory early that the coming and the orgasms were not the whole picture just dashes of color added to a very beautuiful intimate time spent with someone you care about and I became a lot less worried whether i was satisfied or satisfying any on just the physical parts. I myself just try to enjoy it and be enjoyable. I prefer to laugh and talk and giggle and just have fun.
I hope this does not come off like I am some type of special "lover". I am not. I am not overly confident either. I just try real hard to have fun and to laugh at myself and be kind and considerate to my partner. I am having sex with her because I love her so its easy for me to let go and to help her let go.
hope this helps. Just writing helped me remember some special times that I have shared with others. as for the one night stand labeling you. i have found that when people talk like that about something so intimate they them selves are feeling a little jealous or maybe feeling like it was their fault. If you must say anything about your time with this one night stand, say something nice. because in my world she will have a hard time finding a one-nighter again. And the other women in your group will see that you are above it and respect you. And may give you a call, because you were discreet and respectful to her even when she tried to make fun of you. I have had very few one-nighters, I have always been patient with myself and my partners for the most part.
good luck to you and have fun
In Reply to: Re: For the Men here....Premature Ejaculation?? posted by Same boat on May 04, 2002 at 13:40:16:
Yeah it takes a while to learn it. Once you do, you will have the undying admiration and
In Reply to: Premature Ejaculation?? posted by need advice on May 02, 2002 at 17:06:23:
1) Try to think of something else besides how good your penis feels. I had a boyfriend who prematurely ejaculated and he started thinking of "tugboats" (of all things--LOL!) and somehow that got him to last longer.
2) When masturbating, masturbate for a minute and stop for a minute, masturbate again for a minute and stop. Keep this up for a week and then gradually increase the minute to 2 minutes, then 3 minutes and so forth til you are up to 5 minutes or so.
3) Try using a condom.. it will take away some of your sensations and, therefore, should help increase the time you are actually having sex.
4) Be playful in bed. I always found that the more you play and goof off, the less pressure you feel to perform. Sometimes it's the pressure that causes the PE.
In Reply to: Re: For the Men here....Premature Ejaculation?? posted by Same boat on May 04, 2002 at 13:40:16:
Thanks, Same.
Walt
In Reply to: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control? posted by Special Lover on May 04, 2002 at 18:25:39:
Thanks, Special.
Don't you know, intercourse is supposed to be instinctual for a "real man" (Big grin!)
Learning is painful for most people and they will do almost anything to avoid it. They do not know what they are missing!
Namaste`
Walt
In Reply to: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control? posted by Special Lover on May 04, 2002 at 18:25:39:
My experience is limited to that between myself and my wife so this may not work for other congress. I used to exhibit this and my situation was similar. It is an exercise that takes time to control. Practicing SR, especially breathing exercises, helped me practice this exercise-- relaxing on cue is half the battle. Getting physically fit helped me practice this exercise as well-- anxiety and depression interfere. It never becomes automatic in my experience; it always requires concentration. The problem is one of sensation-- if the male mind is screaming to be done, the sensations are ignored until ejac and so they are felt all at once, when there is no time to do anything about them. Depression and anxiety make the male mind scream to be done.
Every man I know wants to get a reaction from his girl on how he is doing. If you are female and your man suffers from this, you have to find a way to let him know you are enjoying the foreplay. It should be a way that he can appreciate. Without knowing my attentions are welcome, I'll either break off the engagement or continue viewing it as the fulfillment of my personal need and then feel bad afterwards, even though she was willing to make that sacrifice for me. Getting my attention when I was depressed was sometimes impossible- she used to pinch my arm really hard to get my attention. Then she would create a strong sensation somewhere else to get me back into it. Affirmation gets a man's head in the game if he's paying attention.
If you are a man and your woman is a stone in bed, you can still observe the physiological reactions occurring in her and reinforce yourself by saying "I did that". I brush the back of my index finger across her neck til I find the carotid artery and let it pause there long enough to detect the quickened pulse. The thumb and forefinger can detect epidermal swelling. During foreplay I'll kiss her in such a manner that my ear is positioned to detect her rapid respiration. I tell myself "I'm doing that. All those boys in 7th grade who said I'd never score were wrong. Old Mrs. Peterson said I'd never amount to anything but I'm giving what she never got!"
I got better results when I learned to give affirmation back to my wife by whispering to her. This was hard for me to do at first, because I wanted to sound like famed poet Cyrano and coming up with melodious words while screwing was difficult. But then I discovered that the only words she'll remember unfavorably are the names of other women. So as long as you keep them out you're ok. If everything else is going right, she'll forget most of what is said anyway, which means you can reuse it :B Talking about the ongoing experience is better than talking about specific structural features. Whispering forces her to engage her mind which may otherwise tend to wander.
I used to ejac at the moment of insertion, a serious let-down for her. Intercourse longer than 8 minutes risks chafing her depending on her mental and physical involvement. So men, please don't let it become a bragging rights thing where you feel you have to last a certain length of time or you failed. Desire must lead. To learn to appreciate levels of arousal, I brushed my member against different areas of her body as though it were my index finger and tried to determine what each sensation felt like to me in temperature and texture. Then during, I roughly keep track of how aroused I am and whisper it to her. It is the best affirmation of all for her because she can independently verify it and know that I'm not lying to make her feel better about herself. At some point before or after the time of insertion I find it good to breathe as slowly and deeply as feels comfortable. This quiets my mind so I can appreciate the sensations and guage them.
I find I must change tempo or position or something regularly so that my mind doesn't detach. If I detach, I'll know it because I come out of it when I'm almost there. If this happens, I freeze like a deer and make sure I am breathing as slowly and deeply as possible, it really is important. A delay of a few seconds is all that is needed, just time enough for a few deep breaths, then I can "play on the edge" by alternating one or two thrusts with three second delays. However, I don't do this for long because my wife may decrease in arousal. So to make it last I'll withdraw and gently apply it to the skin outside the vagina as though it were an index finger. This allows me to cool off while she increases in arousal.
Note that I didn't mention any tools-- in my experience it was best to work without tools until we got the hang of it. Because every woman is different, it must be said that tools can damage, even without her knowledge. Even French tickler condoms can draw blood. I never found a tool that lived up to its claims except the ice cube.
Now to draw flames. My wife and I made a commitment of great magnitude when we were married because of our religious faith. We both believe that permanent divorce is unacceptable, that adultery and coveting another are answerable on Judgement Day, and that we will be together in heaven someday but will no longer be married or capable of intercourse. These have a noticable impact on our relationship. I desire to be such a man to my wife that in heaven she will WANT to spend time with me, not because of any endowment of mine but because of the beauty of the work that is wrought within us both.
In Reply to: Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control? posted by Anonymous on May 08, 2002 at 19:41:30:
With a man like you, no tools necessary.
If she doesn't want to be in heaven with you, I will :) - just kidding (kind of).
What religion are you and what do you mean by permanent divorce? As opposed to temporary divorce or separation?
In Reply to: Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control? posted by Anonymous on May 08, 2002 at 19:41:30:
Thanks, Anonymous.
Namaste`
Walt
In Reply to: Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control? posted by Wow on May 08, 2002 at 19:56:14:
I believe any man can improve his lovemaking even if he is emasculated. I don't believe for a minute that I somehow have better genes than the next joe which gives me some special knack.
I sincerely do hope to see you in heaven.
I am a Protestant Christian. It should be said that I don't always live up to my ideals and am occasionally a beast to live with. I don't accuse anyone regarding divorce. How can I possibly understand the issues that affect anyone else's relationships when I don't fully understand the issues affecting my own? But as for us, we had these beliefs going in, and our parents live them. Also, I've only been married for a few years so I'm really not an expert.
In some countries a man doesn't have to lift a finger to help a former spouse and can divorce her permanently at any time by a one-sided oral directive. Do you see how this would affect a relationship? If she ever does anything wrong, her livelihood is on the line-- can you imagine the stress that woman faces? The man will never know if she really loves him, which can bring him depression and anxiety. Now the legal definition of divorce in the US doesn't generally let someone get out of supporting a former spouse if they need help EVER. If two divorce, they're technically still married, except without all the good things that made marriage fun. So they'll remarry others. In the US, without some sort of miscarriage of justice, divorcees who remarry have to support 2 spouses for as long as they live-- and who knows what may change to make this an insurmountable burden? Neither the former spouse nor the latter gets what they signed on for. Without some miscarriage of justice, at best they each get 50% attention, at worst one gets not quite all and the other gets nearly nothing, and I'm not just talking about money. In the US, 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. We revile polygamists, yet isn't this sort of the same? A man and wife who don't commit up front to support each other for life live in fear. "If she succeeds and I fail, will she divorce me? If I burn the toast, will he start thinking about replacing me? How will I survive on my own?" This damages the marriage up front, trust is not complete, and all sorts of things suffer, including sexual congress.
A commitment is only as strong as the incentive for both sides to live up to it. Transient good feeling is not the best incentive for a permanent commitment. Having to look your spouse and the Judge of all the earth in the eye on the Last Day is pretty good incentive. Having to spend eternity with them both is even more. Having an in-law that will hunt you down with a shotgun if you break your commitment is an incentive only as long as the in-law and shotgun are around. Having a lawyer extract money from you if you break your commitment is only an incentive as long as you aren't willing to part with the money.
Before we were married, we agreed that if there was a conflict we might separate to cool off, but no matter how long the separation lasted, if one wanted back together the other had to commit. Suppose I hit my wife, well she would probably go to her mothers, or somewhere else for a while. But if I wanted her to come back she has promised she would. Well thank goodness we haven't been tested like that yet but there were a few times I left the house for an hour or so because we were arguing and I needed to get my head on straight. But I really believe she would come back to me, even if I hit her, even if issues weren't yet resolved.
Our commitment makes the sex work even when it isn't working. When I couldn't make it happen because of my health problems, she encouraged me, so I went the extra mile for her. When I didn't have a job and she had to work a hated one, she trusted me that I would help her in every way that I was able. Now she works when she wants to, and I'm not rich so I had to make some big sacrifices to enable that. But they didn't feel like sacrifices, they felt like an investment, like an investment that can't be taken away even if my ability to ensure it is taken away. Now when we screw little things up, we totally laugh about it because we know it was unintentional. Someday I hope we will be able to laugh at the big screwups together. It's so encouraging! I have reminders every day to keep up my end of the commitment and I always have compelling reasons not even to ogle another woman. Without this commitment I never would have been able to beat erectile dysfunction, which is why I mention it. Your mileage may vary.
In Reply to: Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control? posted by Anonymous on May 09, 2002 at 14:26:35:
Your arguements very neatly dovetail into your current situation. With that level of
If 50% of all marriages end in divorce, then 50% don't. Since that is a statistic, it is
I am very sorry, but divorce is quite final. With a pre-nup, one need never worry about
You both went in with a high level of commitment and really it seems as if you couldn't do
Not to sound arrogant, but have you guys ever heard of Ejaculation Control? Because you
act like you got bad eyesight and nothing can be done to compensate 'except get stronger
glasses.' No. Learn ejaculation control. It is the best gift you can give yourself and
your partner.
gratitude of however many sexual partners you have, and any thing "extra" you do will be icing
on the cake.
Follow Ups:
I'm a woman, so I'm obviously not an expert, but...
Posted by Melanie on May 05, 2002 at 03:47:54:
Follow Ups:
Re: For the Men here....Premature Ejaculation?? (Archive in sex.)
Posted by Walt Stoll on May 05, 2002 at 09:40:26:
Follow Ups:
Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control?
Posted by Walt Stoll on May 05, 2002 at 09:52:13:
Follow Ups:
Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control?
Posted by Anonymous on May 08, 2002 at 19:41:30:
Follow Ups:
Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control?
Posted by Wow on May 08, 2002 at 19:56:14:
Follow Ups:
Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control? (Archive in sex.)
Posted by Walt Stoll on May 09, 2002 at 11:22:21:
Follow Ups:
Re: For the Minute Men here - Ejaculation Control?
Posted by Anonymous on May 09, 2002 at 14:26:35:
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Maybe I should be commited but I disagree with you...
Posted by S. on May 09, 2002 at 17:47:11:
commitment to a marriage sound really sounds like fear. How well can you know someone who
you are forced to stay married to? What if one of you *does* "fail" (I'm not sure how
you define failure). It seems that no matter what happens in marriage like that. Since
you can't get divorce it is easy for one partner to run roughshod over the other.
automatically suspect. If it is even close to true, you have smugly chosen to see the
glass as "half empty."
supporting a former spouse again.
otherwise, yet temper your judgement of those who don't. They are not somehow deprived
because their marriages or relationships do not have the extreme level of commitment that
yours requires.
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