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I know your mouths must be dropping. This is the first time I have ever said it outloud......sorta. I am 39 yrs and basicly healthy. Married comfortably for 15 yrs with healthy sex life. All the sex stuff feels great , just no climax no orgasm never have, not even before my husband.
I have tried everything from helping myself, helping him help myself, the bathtub thing, a glass of wine to relax, finding the right spot, nothing works. If anything I get turned off by trying to hard, almost an aggrivated feeling. I dont miss what I have never had but sometimes I feel like Im really missing out.
Anyone have any help. (and yes my husband is willing and supportive and frustrated.) Thanks everyone
In Reply to: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by Shian on September 30, 2002 at 14:03:21:
Have you ever tried a vibrator and if you plan to try one,use it on your clitorus and see if that will help you orgasm. Most woman orgasm clitoral. And be patient with yourself. No pressure. Approach it as fun, just experimenting, and whatever happens is fine and good. ARe you absolutely sure You have never had an orgasm? Maybe you just have mild orgasms.
It sounds like you are somewhat satisfied tho with your sex life, which is great, and a great credit to your husband for being so patient and persistent about it.
In Reply to: Re: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by M. on September 30, 2002 at 14:43:54:
I agree, I have never had an orgasm that wasn't clitoral. I found it difficult to have an orgasm about 5 years ago, and I even "fail" sometimes these days. Most of the problem is that we focus on it too much.
I found that stimulation of the breast (nipple area) really helps. Try fantasizing about things. This will help keep you from focusing in on the task at hand (no pun intended). I also find it easier to have an orgasm with my partner if I'm "on top" (motioning forward and backward instead of up and down).
Hopefully this isn't TMI. ;)
In Reply to: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by Shian on September 30, 2002 at 14:03:21:
This is horrible and I truly know it. I'm 49 today and although that's horrible, this is worse. I've been married to my soulmate for 25 years and I'm not sure if she has ever had one. I'm absolutely sure that I have had one, every single time. And she's done everything my sorry ass can think of, I won't turn this into a Penthouse letter but I hope you get my drift. It would be better if she would tell me the things she thinks would work for her but they usually have something to do with painting the house. I think if she masturbated while thinking about me the way that I masturbate thinking about her, we would both be satisfied. As far as I can tell, she is satisfied anyway.
It's our mutual Catholic upbringing.
I'm the priest and she's the nun and altar boy combined, although I never realized it then and I try to put it out of my head even now. Oh shit! (but not he kind you usually like talking about on here.) :)
In Reply to: Re: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by M. on September 30, 2002 at 14:43:54:
Hi Shian. I have ever only orgasmed once through
sexual intercourse the other times clitoral
which infact i think is better. Trying to hard
can be a turn off but have a glass of wine watch
a saucy movie and see what develops forget about
orgasm just enjoy yourself and in the end it
should happen.
In Reply to: Re: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by T on September 30, 2002 at 14:57:12:
Umm.. get one of these & away you go.
http://www.sybian.com/
In Reply to: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by Shian on September 30, 2002 at 14:03:21:
I think its a matter of being able to "let go" SR should help you with that.
In Reply to: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by Shian on September 30, 2002 at 14:03:21:
Are you on any medications/drugs? Some drugs can cause an inability to orgasim. I was once on Zoloft for situational depression and I could not have an orgasim. I had never had a problem prior nor after taking the medication. Check with your pharmasist for side effects of any medication you are taking.
In Reply to: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by Shian on September 30, 2002 at 14:03:21:
Hi, Shian.
Congratulations on finally coming clean. Somehow, over the years, not having an orgasm has been equated to being the woman's fault and that somehow makes her to blame and less a woman.
Like an alcoholic, the first thing that has to happen is for the woman to admit to everyone who cares, that they are anorgasmic. You would be surprised the support you will get. Have you read Lonnie Barbach's classic "For Yourself"?
Orgasm in women is first and always a state of total surrender. In men it is automatic but women have to have total trust in the man and give in totally. You cannot make yourself have an orgasm any more than you can make yourself go to sleep. The point must come with both that the individual has to give in to the process.
If the above does not finally help you, you both need to see a specialist in sexual dysfunction. Let us know how you do.
Walt
In Reply to: Re: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by M. on September 30, 2002 at 14:43:54:
Thanks, M.
I also have kudos for the husband.
Namaste`
Walt
In Reply to: Re: almost 40 and never had an orgasm posted by Mary on September 30, 2002 at 23:59:41:
Thanks, Mary.
The only reason I did not suggest the same thing is because she said she never had had an orgasm for all those years.
Namaste`
Walt
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