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My body friend and i have been seeing each other for the past 6 years, and although we are in Love, we are unable to have sex. He cannot get a full erection with me. I feel terrible and have begun to feel badly about my self, and he feels horrible too as he cannot perform and feels inadequate. We would both dearly love to sort this problem out so that we can move on with our relationship, have a fulfilling sex life and start a family. Any suggestions,... this is tearing us both up.
In Reply to: Can't have sex! posted by Wendy Thompson on March 03, 2002 at 05:43:59:
have him do oral sex on you would be one solution, although maybe not what you're looking for. Get him viagra.
In Reply to: Can't have sex! posted by Wendy Thompson on March 03, 2002 at 05:43:59:
Dear Wendy,
There is absolutely no reason for you to start feeling bad about yourself. If your boyfriend has no physical problems, then this is really just an anxiety attack of sorts--performance anxiety. The more the two of you make a big deal about it and build it up, the more pressure is put on your boyfriend and, likewise, the more likely he is to have problems. But the more problems he has the more of a big deal it becomes, the more it gets built up, etc. It can be a horrible vicious circle.
SINCE it is a form of an anxiety attack, an effecacious SR technique would be the best bet in the long run.
However, there is a simply way to help things along. Have your boyfriend set up an appointment with a urologist, who will prescirbe Viagra if he is candid with his problem. Now the beauty is that you two will not need the Viagra for very long. If your boyfriend takes one pill it should be rather easy for you two to have sex. NOW, the idea of you two having sex will no longer be such a big--"Oh my God, is it really going to happen!"--deal. After a few times, have him cut the does in half, then in half again, then again, and so forth until all he has to do is put a crumb of it on his tongue. By then, sex will be "easy" and he will realise the drug is not neccessary. Trust me, this works!
My girlfriend and I were EXACTLY where you and your boyfriend are two years ago. It's not the end of the world. If you would like to discuss this further, you can leave your e-mail adress.
Good Luck!
In Reply to: Can't have sex! posted by Wendy Thompson on March 03, 2002 at 05:43:59:
May I ask how old he is? I would choose viagra as a last resort. My husband has this problem and viagra did not help him. I done alot of reading on this. Things I have found says if a morning erection happens(which is supposely normal for men)than it is not a physical problem.
Also how is his prostrate? There may be issues that he is not expressing-and when that is worked on things improve over time. This has worked for my husband and I.
In Reply to: Can't have sex! posted by Wendy Thompson on March 03, 2002 at 05:43:59:
It may also be a good idea for him to test for testosterone level as testosterone makes blood vessels dilate. But since testosterone can be used by the body to produce adrenal hormones if the adrenals can't make enough adrenal hormones themselves, testing for full male hormone profile may be a better idea. One of places where you can do that without a doc's Rx is http://www.sabresciences.com/. Here's a description of the complete male hormone profile: http://www.sabresciences.com/endo.html (search for Male Hormone Panel on this page).
If he is found to have hormonal imbalance, there are a few things that can help rebalancing:
- maca (http://www.wholeworldbotanicals.com/royalmaca.html). It helps rebalance the whole endocrine system.
- Tribulus (http://www.pharmabul.com/) can stimulate production of testosterone.
And of course, SR in the long run.
In Reply to: Can't have sex! posted by Wendy Thompson on March 03, 2002 at 05:43:59:
Hi, Wendy.
Listen to R., Diane, I've and Larry. I would add that, if these suggestions do not help, that you both see a specialist in sexual dysfunction.
Let us know how you do.
Walt
In Reply to: Can't have sex! posted by Wendy Thompson on March 03, 2002 at 05:43:59:
Once he gets check out you might want another route to try; I've had partners in the past that had this problem and breath work helped a great deal and also deep body work in the socket between the leg and groun. When that area gets locked up and is sore, it can really effect the prostrate. I think it might be related to some toxins sometimes. I have a friend that does tantra work with people with problems like this and she really gets results with these two things. You might want to pick up a book on spiritual sexual tantra.
In Reply to: Re: Can't have sex! posted by Terri-Lynn on March 04, 2002 at 15:36:35:
To confuse these two words is such a common mistake! Prostate, a gland, is probably what you meant, Terri.
In Reply to: Prostrate vs. prostate posted by R. on March 05, 2002 at 21:45:30:
Don't understand, is that not what i said? I said prostrate, i did not write prostate, the only thing i did not say was gland, sorry! Yes whatever
In Reply to: Re: Prostrate vs. prostate posted by Terri-Lynn on March 06, 2002 at 19:12:40:
In your post you were talking about the prostate gland, not prostrate. To say that in other words, the word you used, prostrate, is not what you were talking about. These words have completely different meanings, not even close.
Definitions:
prostate: the prostate gland
prostrate:
1. To put or throw flat with the face down, as in submission or adoration: “He did not simply sit and meditate, he also knelt down, sometimes even prostrated himself” (Iris Murdoch).
2. To cause to lie flat: The wind prostrated the young trees.
3. To reduce to extreme weakness or incapacitation; overcome: an illness that prostrated an entire family; a nation that was prostrated by years of civil war.
Taken from www.dictionary.com
In Reply to: Re: Can't have sex! posted by I've been there on March 03, 2002 at 19:34:04:
Thanks for your advise and words of encouragement. It's good to know that there is someone out there that's been through it all and come out the other side! I understand what you mean by the vicous cycle. It's just been going on so long now and doesn't seem to get better.
Will definitely look into Viagra... What do you mean by SR technique?
Thanks again!
In Reply to: You should've said prostate, not prostrate. posted by R. on March 06, 2002 at 22:43:45:
Thank You for the Clarity;
In Reply to: Re: Can't have sex! posted by Wendy on March 07, 2002 at 02:45:13:
SR (Skilled Relaxation).
Walt
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