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Dear Dr. Stoll,
I have been practicing skilled relaxation twice a day for approximately 10 days, and for the past 2 days I have been experiencing a lot of negative emotions. Sometimes I feel anxious and other times depressed, and yesterday I cried for 45 minutes about my father who died in 2002. Do you think this is related to the SR? Thanks.
Judy
In Reply to: SR Question posted by Judy [6.1475] on February 22, 2006 at 10:49:10:
Hi Judy,
SR sometimes releases repressed emotions. Consider that you are finally quieting your mind enough from the daily chatter that these things can come out into your conscious mind. This is usually a good thing if you can just press on and work through them once they are out.
Sounds like you are now experiencing and processing the part of your grief that you never got to express after your father died. I think it's quite normal for the grieving process to take a long time, especially if we try to suppress our emotions.
Just a comment about classing these as negative emotions...that is a judgement on yourself. Emotions are just emotions...what you feel in response to a situation. It's how humans are made. Sometimes we are anxious, depressed, and cry as a way of processing our feelings. This does not mean you are a weak person, it just means you are responding to a situation in a way that's normal for you. Judging ourselves and stopping the process of moving through them is where we sometimes get stuck.
You may have buried your grief about your father's death because you didn't feel safe expressing it because of the reaction of family and friends ("Don't cry...it will be alright."). Sometimes we feel the need to move on quickly and get back to a normal life, and so we deny the expressions of grief that will help us heal.
These repressed emotions are not good for your health, and we tend to bury quite deeply the things we don't want or can't to face. For that reason, bringing them into your conscious mind all at once can be very intense and upsetting. If it seems like too much is coming up all at once, try switching to a different type of SR...something more active, maybe, so that you can take a break from all the releasing.
If you can't figure out how to let these raw emotions go, don't be afraid to seek help from a counselor. There are many good methods (hypnotherapy, rapid eye, EMDR, EFT, etc.) besides just talking it out that can help you release quickly and not stay stuck in depression or anxiety.
Beginning to live as a whole person means we come to accept ALL of our emotions, without judgement, and embrace ourselves as a whole package of emotions and emotional responses so we can learn how to grow emotionally and spiritually from all of our experiences.
Consider looking for some books on grief at your library, and there is a book called "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" that may be of help to you.
Wishing you the best,
Nutmeg
In Reply to: Re: SR Question posted by Nutmeg [86.74] on February 22, 2006 at 11:44:43:
Well said Nutmeg!
In America we are definitely a society that suppresses emotions. It is a sociological fact that most of the rest of the world is much more open and free with their emotions. We are taught to be tough, don't cry, etc.. especially us men. That's why everybody and their brother is on a NUMBING drug like Prozac.
I was taught that it's very powerful for emotional healing to cry, but not alone. If you can get your significant other or someone who will be there and hold you while you cry healing will come even faster. PLUS continuing to do your SR is a 24 to 1 release of stored stress from the hypothalamus ;)
In Reply to: Re: SR Question posted by Nutmeg [86.74] on February 22, 2006 at 11:44:43:
Can I refer all my neurotic friends to you, lol? Very nice comments.
In Reply to: Really, Nutmeg, you should be a counselor. posted by Sally [1945.1192] on February 22, 2006 at 18:16:17:
...from some very wise and wonderful healers I have had the privilege to work with. The book Non-Violent Communication has some of this info about emotions. I have not read much of it, but I'm taking a class from our minister--she distilled a lot of info from that book, Boundaries, and a few others to put together a great series of classes. It's always an honor to be able to share what I have learned.
Counseling would be too huge an undertaking for me, but thanks for saying that!
Nutmeg
In Reply to: SR Question posted by Judy [6.1475] on February 22, 2006 at 10:49:10:
Probably, Judy.
This is really great evidence that your SR is being effective. Persist and "this, too, shall pass".
Let us know how you do.
Walt
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